21 vs 30...How the mindset changes

                One random Saturday Night, I was out with some friends keeping on the sober side of things (shocking I know), and I was in a very observant mood.  I hadn't been out in a while, so I was excited to witness people's behavior from a sober perspective.  I started thinking back to my early 20s (considering the bars I happened to be at were chalk full of 21-23 year olds)  and couldn't help but laugh at how differently you see things when you are older.  As I watched drunk guys with beer goggles attempt to get laid, and watched drunk insecure girls fall in love with these men, I couldn't help but channel my inner 21 year old and reflect back on some of the best years of my life, just to see how differently I think now vs. 9 years ago.  The results are somewhat funny.

When I was 21: Going Out

                "I am dressed practically naked and boy do I look good. Me and my friends are the hottest looking girls in this club and we are going to get tons of guys.  I'm going to get shitfaced, make out with my friends on the bar "coyote ugly" style and purposely try to get a guy hard while dancing with him so I can laugh about it with my friends."

Now that I am 30: Going Out

                "I am dressed like a nun compared to these 21 year old girls that are running around half naked, and they all seem to be size 0's and have bigger, perkier boobs than me due to age or surgery.  I don't want to drink a lot tonight because I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow and I don't want to feel the shitty thanks to a hangover.  Oh look, those girls are making out with each other on the bar, I remember when that was cool, but that bar seems really high up and what if I were to fall off?  I may hurt myself really bad.  God I wish I was wearing yoga pants right now instead of this outfit."

When I was 21:  Clothing

                "I am going to find the smallest pant size possible and cram my ass in to them regardless of how tight they are because I am going to convince myself that I am in fact 2 sizes smaller than what I am.  It's ok if I can't breathe because at least my muffin top is covered by my super sexy shirt that is showing mad cleavage which will be a total distraction.  Later in the night, if I do end up ripping my pants, I'm just going to laugh it off and blame it on being drunk, rather than admitting that maybe they were a bit too tight in the first place.  I will never wear boy shorts or "granny panties" because they are lame, and thongs are a way of life.

  

Now that I am 30:  Clothing

                "I am going to buy these pants a size bigger for 2 reasons.  One so that if they are slightly baggy, it will appear as if I am skinner that what I am, and it will give the illusion that I recently lost weight.  Two so that I can walk around in comfort because now that my pants are looser,  I'm not picking my newly purchased boy shorts out of my ass.   If I've already got flip flops giving me a wedgie of the toe, why do I need to wear thongs to have a constant wedgie in my ass?  Thongs have become "special occasion only."  Also because I bought these pants a size too big,  if I do put on a couple of lbs, I don't have to go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe because these will be my warrior jeans."

When I was 21: Photographs

                "Wow I really need to lose weight, I look terrible!  What was I thinking wearing that outfit, it was so plain!  My hair looks pretty freaking cute though, I'm going to have to dye it that exact same color in the spring.  I'm super pale right now, I need to hit up a tanning booth or else I'm going to look like Casper this winter.  I can't believe how much fun I am, at this rate, I can get any guy I want!

Now that I'm 30: Photographs

                "Wow I can't believe I thought I was fat back then.  Look how wrinkle free my face was.  If I could pull that outfit off now, I would be a total slut.  I can't believe how blonde my hair was, was I trying to look like a Playboy Bunny reject?  Oh that reminds me, I need to make a hair appointment to get my gray's covered up.  Tanning Booth?  Those things are bad for you  and I don't want my face to look like leather in 10 years and the last thing I want to do is look like Snooki's long lost sister. I can't even go out in natural sunlight without wearing SPF 15.   I can't believe how lame I've become, I'm going to end up alone with 50 cats."

When I was 21: Periods

                I feel like an alien baby is about to rip from my uterus.   I want to eat everything in freaking sight right now, and bathe in chocolate but I can't because I'm so bloated I could of been a spare flotation device for the Titanic.  WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!  I don't like that tone of your stare, ok your now officially pissing me off, just your presence is pissing me off.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you.

Now that I'm 30: Periods

                I feel like an alien baby is about to rip from my uterus.   I don't want to go out tonight, I just want to lay in bed and be miserable because every outfit I put on,  I look like humpty dumpty's twin sister.  I need to sleep at least 5 additional hours because these cramps are kicking my ass.   WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!  I don't like that tone of your stare, ok your now officially pissing me off, just your presence is pissing me off.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you.

When I was 21: Exercising

                "Even though I am a size 0, I still need to lose weight.  I'm still going to eat and drink what I want though.  I go dancing at least 1-2 days a week, so that should cancel out having to go to a gym, because that is technically cardio and  when I dance, I don't leave the floor till 2 am.  Even though I drink Captain and Coke, it's still ok because I sweat my ass off so it instantly leaves my body and nothing tops off a heavy night of drinking like crushing a Domino's Pizza or Seafood Wontons."

Now that I'm 30: Exercising

                "Dear metabolism: Fuck You.  Clearly you and I were not in a committed relationship, considering you left me high and dry.  Now thanks to you, I have had to become a hypocrite and changed my lifestyle.  I have changed my diet, and am now forced to actually exercise at least 3-5 times a week, in order to not feel like a beached whale during the summer.  With every step I take on my treadmill,  I resent you more and more.  With every bead of sweat that drips from my face, some may consider it a "win" for my health, however I consider it my body crying in anger. "

Keepin' it Real -

Shelby