21 vs 40 - The Male Perspective

Guest Blogger - Chuck

            Hi gang!  Well, you all know the drill.  Time to do a little guest writing for Shelby.  Last week she did a nice little comparison of her mindset at 21, and compared it to how she things now at 30.   That was chalk full of some pretty good laughs.  But, I'm sure not only did some of you laugh, but you also said "holy shit, I did the same damn things."   So, of course later on in the week, I got a text from Shelby looking for a guys eye view.  And this works out two because as some of you may know, I'm going to be.....oh god fuck.....40 next Friday on February 1st.  

           

            The last couple of months I keep thinking to myself, "how in the hell did I get here at this point in my life?  Am I really 40 years old?  I don't feel it at all."   That's kind of a lie.  Sometimes I do.  I've seen some posts this week on Facebook from friend that made me feel old.  One of my close friends growing up has a son graduating; and old co-worker has son who went to his first winter formal; one of my old Lead Petty Officers (ABH1) posted something about her having a grandson.  I about shit myself.  So, anyhow, I know people say age is just a number, and it truly is, but man how we used to think, and how we think now, are really truly different. (Unlike Jem, who is just simply truly outrageous.)

When I was 21:  Going out

            "I'm in the Navy.  I'm on an aircraft carrier.  Chicks f'ning LOVE guys in the Navy.  I mean come on Top Gun proved that right?  Maybe I'll find a Kelly McGillis here in the bay area.  That would rock.  Yeah,  I'm in the fucking Navy.  I'm probably gonna hook up.  This is awesome.   I'm going to wear my navy jacket too so they know I'm in the Navy.  If they ask, I'll tell them I'm a pilot.  That works right?  Wait, one of us have a car.  We have to ride the bus.  That's not going to work out at all.  None of thes girls will talk to us.  No dumbass we're not cops, we're in the Navy.  Great they are walking away?  What the hell, they're supposed to be all over us!  Oooohhhhh somebody lied to me...."

Now that I'm 40:  Going out

            "Why am I even going out?  Everyone else I know is at home.  Hell they are probably in bed.  But it's Friday, what else am I going to do?  I gotta meet somebody somehow.  Oh god why won't this girl just shut up! I have no idea what the hell she is talking about.  Oh god please be quiet.  Seriously, you just aren't making any sense.  I think I just got dumber  from listning.  I really gotta stop being the nice guy.  They all seem to want to tell me their life story.  Sweetheart, been there done that.  I'm 40 years old, and I really don't give a shit.  I'm watching the Pens."

When I was 21:  Pics

            "Damn, I look so much better than I did when I graduated.  Dropped some weight.  This pic looks great.  Love it.  Gotta do something about the hair though.  These military cuts suck.  Everyone knows we're in the Navy because of it.  Oh well, I still look great though. Feel good too.  Yeah,  i'm killer."

Now That I'm 40:  Pics

            "Holy shit does my playoff beard have a ton of grey in it.  Hell I think there is more grey in my beard than my dad has.  Son of a bitch.  I'm not supposed to look that old!  Well, at least the hair looks ok.  Keepin in short. Hides the grey.  Of course, I'm not so sure it will grow back anyway.  Oh well.  Smile for the group pic Chuck. Suck in the guy, and push your face forward. It will hide the double chin.  look down too, and maybe clench your neck muscles.  Oh great, looks like I'm taking a crap.  Can we get a do over on that shot? Sorry everyone."

When I was 21:  Clothing (this applies to when I was 25/26 as well, doing Karaoke at Fredericks in Moon.)

            "Dude we found the best clubbing shirts.  Yeah, this is something that says rock star.  Yeah, I'll wear this Friday night.  Mom why the hell are you lookin at me funny?  There is nothing wrong with this shirt.  Whatever, this shirt kicks ass.  It's the style."

Now that I'm 40:   Clothing

            "What in the hell was I thinking all those years ago.  I wasted so much money on the ugliest f'n shirts.  I'm so glad I do not have any of them anymore.  Wait, I like this one.  I think it looks good.  Better take a pic and text it to Bonnie, Carie, and Chrissy.  They'll set me straight.  Ok, apparently Bonnie does like button snaps.  Carie said to change my shirt, and to spray my crotch.  Not sure why.  Whatever.  Where the hell were they 15 years ago to help me dress?"

Wait, got one more.....

Shelby decied to give her thoughts on periods.  It's quite obvious that I can't have one of those, so, for the sake of humor.....

When I was 21:  Boners

"For the love of god what the hell?  It's like every time I look at a girl.  Damn calm down junior, she's gonna notice.  She may even point and laugh.  Oh pull the shirt down, hide the hard on.  Better just invest in large shirts because apparently this thing is on overdrive."

Now that I'm 40:  Boners

"Oh thank god the f'ing  thing still works!  Better pull the shirt down to hide it."

And there you have my two cents....later kids! Enjoy the good laugh.

Keeping it Real

-Chuck