The Trials and Tribulations of a 30 something girl: November 2011

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Battle of the Sexes – Craigslist Style

All is fair in love and war, or at least it’s supposed to be. After the last Craigslist experiment, I decided to up the ante. Men and Women will dispute that one sex is worse than the other when it comes to love. Women think most men are pigs that have no morals nor know how to treat women. Men think most women are crazy, obnoxious and gold diggers. With that being said, I couldn’t think of a better place than Craigslist to test this theory.

With the help of my best friend Mike, we decided to put ourselves out there and see what kind of reaction we would get.

We both posted the same ad and included actual pictures of ourselves:

Hi, I’m new to this site so I don't know what to expect. But I am looking to date with the potential of more. I think fairly highly of myself. Good morals, good family, a house, lots of friends, and a secure job. I"m looking for someone with similar interests, attractive, similar sense of humor, and a good person in general. If you are interested, message me and we will find out if we have a match!!! Hope to hear from ya!

Mike posted on November 15^th, 2011. He hasn’t been flagged and his ad is currently still on there. As of November 23, 2011, he had received 3 emails.

Here were the 3 emails that he received…

Hey,

You're 2 cute! Do u date Black women?

I can’t really make fun of this one…I mean she’s up front and honest. There’s nothing eluding, creepy or weird about it. Not saying that there could be something off with her upon getting to know her, but right off the bat I got nothing with this one…

Hey what's up? Your really cute stud :) We have a lot in common. We should talk more?

I really can’t make fun of this email, other than the stud comment and that it sounds like a cover letter. Being that this girl called him a stud, I can’t imagine how old she is. I believe the last time I ever heard anyone referred to as a stud, it was in the movie Grease, which doing the math…I’m going to guess she’s in her 40’s and possibly 50’s. Overall, pretty normal other than the fact she says absolutely nothing about herself.

i am 21 i am nice sweet out going fun to be around. Looking to have fun and be safe too. I like to stay in shape. Im 100% real. well, thanks for reading. hope to hear from you soon.

This email is slightly idiotic. “Looking to have fun and be safe too.” I may not be a gynecologist, but I can see a when a girl is serving up her vagina on a table. In her next line she feels the need to mention that she likes to “stay in shape”. I bet you do…I bet you like to make the best of any situation when you trip, fall, land on some random guys dick and just think “oh hey, I’ll catch a quick work out.” After reading your first few lines of ridiculousness, I’m going to assume that when you say your “100% real” you are referring to your boobs. Congratulations on 2 things: 1. For not outgrowing of your “college whore” mentality and 2. Thinking you have the intelligence to communicate with anyone over the age of 25.

And now for the main event….

I posted on November 23^rd at 12:30 p.m. I was flagged at 2:55 p.m. that same day. I lasted approx. 2 hours and 25 min and received a total of 41 messages. Where most of them were totally normal, here are some ones that would care to highlight.

So, tell me more about yourself and what you like to do for fun.
Also, where from? I am in Squirrel Hill, am professional, normal and
VERY fun and am always usually up for doing something .... meet for
drinks? Busy this weekend? I may be free Friday or Saturday evening
.... let me know ... there's a great band playing down the strip ....
that might be fun ...

Dear Fun Police –

Unfortunately, I cannot hang out with you this weekend. I can already see where this relationship will not work. You see holidays are a chance to hang out with people called friends, which clearly you do not have. If you were VERY fun, you would have friends that you would already have plans for both Friday and Saturday night to go out. Being that you are that readily available to meet this weekend, I'm going to assume that you are probably a total tool that will attach to me because you have no one else. I’m guessing that by the emphasis on the fact that you are VERY fun, you probably are not fun at all and are living in self-denial. I hope you didn't already purchase 2 concert tickets, because it's not going to be VERY fun for you going alone.

Hi im david I ike to go out and have fun I like to text I have a job I do not have an kid wood like one on down the way I work out u can text me at ------------ I do have pic I can send u I look 4 a gf

Dear David,

Due to the fact that you sent me 1 massive run on sentence, I’m going to have to take this one slow, just like your teachers did when you were in those “special classes”. I’m glad that you enjoy things such as going out, having fun and texting, however, I envision text messaging conversations with you being very exhausting. You have officially not only mind fucked me, but you have also caused me to go cross eyed trying to figure out what the hell you are trying to say. “I do not have a kid wood like one on down the way.” Oh you “wood” like to have a kid down the way huh? Let me give you a little piece of advice – Unless you learn how to properly communicate with women, the only way you will be producing any children is via the local sperm bank.

Hello there

I'm 24, 6 foot 3, 220 pounds, short brown hair, have glasses and some facial hair

once you email me back id love to send you over a few photos

I live and love going out right here in the strip district, so with tonight being a great night to have a lot fun, i know that you and i would definitely be able to really enjoy ourselves together

- Henry

Dear Henry –

Thanks for your response, has anyone ever told you that you describe yourself like a middle aged Harry Potter?. Unfortunately I will be unable to join you this evening for tonight’s festivities. I am fully aware that tonight is a great night to have fun, considering when you were 17 sneaking alcohol from your parents liquor cabinet, I was drinking my face off legally in a bar, but I think you are missing the most important part of my post. You see as of 12:30 p.m. when I posted this, I developed morals. Apparently you do not know what that consists of. My moral idea of a good time does not involve drinking $15 martini’s that taste like toilet water in an area of town that has about as much night life as a graveyard. “You and I would definitely be able to really enjoy ourselves together.” Sorry Harry, err I mean Henry. I’d much rather pick up an 8 pack of AA batteries and enjoy myself alone.

So in conclusion, when it comes to the battle of sexes on Craigslist, there are more men on the prowl than women. Heaven help them all!

Thanks to Mike Gaydos for being a good sport!

-Keepin it real..& Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Yes, it’s true there are plenty of fish in the sea….

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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Receiving End of Craigslist

After my last blog about Craigslist, I got to thinking...I keep knocking these people who posted absolutely ridiculous posts, and it was such a one sided argument. These sad people are putting themselves out there, with the hopes of finding someone that they can live happily ever after with. Granted, you never know an individual's toleration levels for weirdness, which is why I decided to showcase the ones I felt qualified as "weird." I decided to put myself in their shoes, and give it a try myself. I posted the following ad on Craigslist with the hopes of proving myself correct in thinking that you truly do hit rock bottom searching for love on this site.

Just a normal girl - 28 (Pittsburgh, PA)

Hello! A little bit about me:

I am 28 years old. I have a good job, car, apartment, no children and I am

debt free.
I am 5'5, 130lbs, brown hair and brown eyes, Italian/Irish Mix.
I'd say I'm fairly normal. I have no crazy ex's, the only drama that has
happened in my life is via my friends, I'm not a stage 5 clinger and or
stalker. People tell me I'm funny, quick to think on my feet, attractive,
and likeable. As to why I'm single? Just haven't met anyone that gives me
that "wow" factor. I have a pic, if you would like to send one that's fine,
if not its cool too!

Looking forward to hearing from you!

I posted this ad on Craigslist on November 3rd at 11 p.m. I was flagged for removal (due to me not responding. I figured it out when some asshole emailed me 3 times, 2 of which were pretty pissy) at approximately 12:30 am on November 5th. Here is an overview of the responses:

Total time on Craigslist personals - 25.5 hours on Craigslist before getting flagged for removal.

Number of email's received: 72

Number of pictures received: 30

Number of phone numbers received: 5

Men under the age of 25: 12

Men over the age of 35: 25

I never realized that there were so many lonely men in Pittsburgh. Sadly enough, if I were planning on using this site as a dating option, chances are, out of those 72, based on pictures/grammar/initial conversation topics, at best I may have responded to about 5. What I found probably the most hysterical, is receiving an email from a guy that I had actually gone out with from Plenty of Fish.

After sifting through all of these emails, it was made quite clear to me that some of these men have not read my blog about the rules of online dating. I was swimming in a sea of shirtless mirror pictures, "text pictures to my phone because it's easier," and the worst intro ever of "Hey, what's up." Fortunately, I did manage to receive some rather interesting emails, that I would now like to gladly share with the rest of the world.

Email #1:

I'm WM 5'7" 160lbs 35 and to be honest I'm looking for someone to watch a movie at home or go have a beer and and make out and body on body. If this interests you at all let me know.

Dear Body Bumper:

You are 35 years of age, and seem to have the mind set of an 18 year old. Clearly you don't understand what a "wow" factor is. Maybe if I could channel my 16 year old self, I would find excitement in watching a movie with you while you supply me with beer, because obviously you would not be wowing me, I would need the alcohol to be even remotely interested in hanging out. I get the whole making out thing, however I don't understand the "body on body" part. Are you saying that you want to dry hump? Last time I checked, which I'm sure has probably been a very long time since you have had any female interaction, body on body action is a prerequisite to making out. I don't think Craigslist is for you. May I suggest this? "go have a beer," then stop down to Club Zoo. You can gain all the liquid courage you need via the alcohol and then get some "body on body" action with girls that can relate to on your own maturity level.

Email #2:

How are you today? Liked what you had to say - you seem genuine to me - and yes - very normal!
I am a very good hearted guy with good values - good looking - so people tell me - I treat others right!!!
Looking for a fun and nice girl to take out on a date and see what happens. you seem really nice.
I am 41 - is that too much older than you - I hope not!!! I don't think so - I act young!! Live in Jefferson Hills I do not know how to put a picture on the computer babe - I'm old
school. I know - don't tell me - I need to get caught up with the times. I need to get my sister to teach me. I do know how to send a picture on the cell phone. Anyway, I would love to chat with you!!

Dear Mr. Technology Impaired

You should be prohibited from Craiglist, simply for your over usage of exclamation points and dashes. I'm 2 sentences in, and already irritated with the abusage of this punctuation. I'm sure you are a good hearted guy, but the good looking part is debatable. People probably say you're good looking, because they don't want to invoke the exclamation point/dash monster that not only spews from your typing skills, but probably out of your mouth as well. You are 41 years old, messaging a 28 year old. You were in your first year of college when I was in Kindergarten. "I act young, however I don't know how to put a picture on a computer because I'm old school." 1. Don't call me babe, giving a girl a pet name that you don't know isn't "old school", 2. How is it that my parents are older than you are, and they are fully capable of sending email attachments/pictures? You know how to send a picture via cell, yet not a computer...Did you sleep through the early part of 2000 and just awoke from your coma to the Smartphone era? If your sister is technology savvy, she probably has friends. You should ask her to hook you up.

Email #3:

But are you real? I'll send a pic if I get a reply. I'm 29, fit, have a job, car my own place and a dog. Im white, brown hair green eyes. I go out almost every night With my friends. I'm looking for a gf that's fun and likes concerts and hanging out. Im pretty laid back. I live in the east end but can drive anywhere. I wanted to be single a while after dating but now I want to date again.And ifit doesn't work I might make a cool new friend. I had an awesome Halloween, how about you?

Dear Designated Driver:

The first 4 sentences that you wrote sounded appealing which is why stopping there would of been the best solution. You go out every night with your friends? Wow you instantly scream "boyfriend material." Clearly, if you go out with your friends every night, you are neglecting your dog. If I dated you, is that what my life would be? Staying up at night patiently waiting for you to come home so that I can get a little attention? Then if I'm a good girl that doesn't make a mess of the house, you will treat me to a concert? Thank you for making me realize that by having a car, you can in fact go places with it. All this time I thought a car was just a device that was used as lawn decorations. "I wanted to be single a while after dating but now I want to date again." I'm not exactly sure where you are going with this. Maybe your dog sabotaged all of your dates on purpose to keep you home. It's great that you want to get back out there and meet new people, but I have enough friends and have no intentions of adding any new ones to the roster any time soon.

Email #4:

hey greetings and salutations I'm Josh. I was reading your post and thought u sounded pretty look I'm twenty six I'm six foot one 171 pounds hwp I'm pretty fit for the most part I'm a philosophy major. I love to read, the outdoors, movies, and music. I play and Wright music. but I make my mistakes like everyone I'm honest and open. I hope we get to chat hit me u here is abpic also

Dear Alien Boy:

Greetings and Salutations to you too. I am from the planet earth, where we greet people with a "Hi" or "Hello." I sound pretty huh? Well considering the description of myself was super vague, how do you know that I do not have an over sized nose, or missing teeth? You tend to focus on the fact that you are hwp (which I had to look up and means height/weight proportional) and fit. Sounds to me like you think I am hwp proportionate, instantly making me a 10 in your philosophical studies. I think you may want to reconsider your major, because there is no rational explanation behind your thinking. "I play and wright music." Oh you "wright" music huh? Have I heard anything you have composed? Probably not considering your fan base isn't old enough to spell or understand words. Oh, wait i'll let that slide, because you openly admitted in the next sentence that you make mistakes like everyone else. You made it clear in your introduction that you clearly are not human, therefore you shouldn't make mistakes. Maybe I'll see you around sometime, during the UFO festival in Kecksburg.

Email #5:

Hey Babe
Your post has caught your attention.I'm looking for memorable moments
Seems like we are looking for the same things
I'm looking for white young petite chick just like you to spend some time with and see where things go.I'm looking for somebody to help relieve stresses of life. In actuality it helps you too if you think about it.Must be clean and discreet and be open to anything I will treat you like gold and even make you feel special, but I don't want to talk about living together at least not yet but if you wanna stay over for weekends that is okay. We can go to concerts and have fun or travel. If you need something I will ensure you get it because I do want to help you if I can.I am not opposed to the idea of this companionship turning into something more over time.I'm a middle aged generous professional. Send me pic,# and your stats..I can take you places you never been before

Dear Mr. Discreet:

I too am looking for memorable moments. Moments that I can share with my friends, family and Facebook friends. This may in fact be a memorable moment for me. I am so glad that you emailed me putting everything out on the table, I like that in a man. If you're looking to relieve stresses of life, consider a masseuse, it really does help when I think about it. Maybe you can find one of those "special massage parlors" that are in fact open, clean and discreet. I feel like I am getting a 2 for 1 deal, considering not only will you treat me like gold, but I get to feel special too? I am a little offended that you will let me stay on weekends, but not during the weekdays. Could this be because your wife goes away on weekends, leaving you all alone to fend for yourself? I say let's take a family vacation. Invite your kids and wife, and we can sit around and have a tea party and enjoy one awkward moment after another. I bet your daughter and I would get along very well, considering we are probably the same age. You can take me places I've never been before? Or do you just want to take me places that you are too embarrassed to take your wife? I don't think Craigslist is going to help find you a companion, but the humane society maybe? Email the dog neglector above to find out where he got his from.

Email #6:

Sup lil mama how u?im a 6'3 35 blk male i 2 have a car a job,crib.lookin 4 someone real who can be my friend ,lover,homegirl,everything,and i can be everything 2 her

Dear Big Poppa

"Sup Lil Mama" is not an acceptable greeting. I have worked very hard for the past 28 years to purposely not have someone call me "Mama." When you refer that you have a crib, are you telling me you have an extra one available since you already think I'm a "Mama" Were you planning on blending your family together with my imaginary one? You sound like an Usher song. I am disappointed at the fact that Ludacris did not jump out of my computer and start rapping at the end of your last line. When I mentioned that I was pretty normal in my post, did it not dawn on you to possibly try to send a message that doesn't sound like a recycled version of a song that was released in 2004. If Lil John knew about this, you would only receive a "What!?" and not the "OK"

So in conclusion, I was "wright" all along.

-Keeping it real

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Craigslist -the place you turn to when you have officially hit rock bottom.

Sometimes when I am having a bad day (whether it is work related, relationship related, or I just need a good laugh), I catch myself checking out the personals/missed connections on Craigslist. The entertainment value of this site trumps any dating website out there. If you are single and your married friends say: "you're looking for love in all the wrong places," clearly the have not read any of the postings on this site. Most people that use craigslist as a serious form of meeting people are clearly dating site rejects that have hit absolute rock bottom. When I say most, I'm not criticizing every single person that uses it, there could very well be some normal people posting personal ads. I am going to showcase a few ads that I found in Pittsburgh's Craigslist Personal postings, that I feel deserve recognition, based on the absolute nonsense that these people wrote.

Handy man looking for a lady in need - 30 (any)

Date: 2011-11-03, 6:08PM EDT
Reply to:

Reply To This Post

I need a place to stay and nowhere to go.Me and my gf dont get along and i want to move out but dont know where to go.I can fix about anything and im very nice to people who are nice to me.Maybe you just need a friend or more its up to you and when i know you are real i will send you a picture of me

- The poster of this ad clearly is not looking for love, he's looking for a part time job at an apartment complex that will give him a place to stay because he can fix about anything. If you can "fix" just about anything, why don't you try fixing your relationship with your girlfriend rather than offering in kind services for a place to stay? Does your girlfriend not give you a bj after you change the light bulb and that's why you are considering leaving? You have no place to go? Awe how sad, they have places for that called hotels and homeless shelters. I bet your nice to people that are nice to you, I bet a lot of people are nice to you, because you sound like you could potentially be mentally challenged.

Just looking for a real normal girl that needs a little help - 32 (north/west of pitt)

Date: 2011-11-03, 3:26PM EDT
Reply to:

Reply To This Post

I have posted a couple times but nothing has come of it. I am just looking for a real normal non crazy girl that could use a little help. I do not want drama or craziness and will not cause you any either. I would love to make a friend and we can help each other with what we need. I am a decent looking nice guy and would love to talk and see if we click... Hope to hear from you soon!

- So let me get this straight, you want a normal girl that isn't crazy, but needs help? I'm not sure exactly where the poster of this message is going, but if I could suggest something? You and the guy in the above post should start your own business together because you both seem to have a common interest of helping people and fixing things, and he needs a place to stay. I'm sure your mom won't mind if you and him bunk up together in the basement, I bet it would be welcoming since your successful brother moved out and got married. It's almost like this guy is eluding towards a friends w/ benefits situation. "We can help each other with what we need." I really hope he gets a response from a girl that needs something outrageous like help with shaving her back or assistance being lifted off her couch because hey, that's what friends do right? They help each other out!

Do you want to date an older virgin? - 35 (Shaler)

Date: 2011-11-02, 1:58PM EDT
Reply to:

Reply To This Post

Yes, I am an older male virgin. I'm not, I repeat not, waiting for marriage (I will never get married). Rather, I'm just a pretty introverted, reserved guy who hasn't really tried very hard in the dating realm. I'm looking to change that, and would like to find a wonderful woman in the immediate Pittsburgh area who can accept the idea of dating someone with my inexperience. I'm not looking for sex right away or anything, but I'm also not seeking a long-term relationship. I want to get my foot in the door of dating. While I'm somewhat unsure of posting this, I thought I'd give it a try.

I am about 5'10" and 135 pounds, and would like to meet a woman who is 26-33, relatively thin or average in body type, and who has no kids and doesn't smoke. If you are interested, put "Your Craigslist ad" in the subject line so I know it's not spam.

- This guy clearly has no game. You are a 35 year old virgin with no intentions of getting married or being in a relationship, yet your posting a personal ad on craigslist for what exactly? If he would of just stopped at "I'm a 35 year old virgin" part, he probably could of gotten the sympathy of one girl that would do him after a couple of dates. By putting it out there that you are not marriage/relationship material, you are basically deeming yourself as a lost cause. Your about as useless as a stationary bicycle - riding you will get me nowhere. I also love how you have standards. You want someone who is a thin, with no kids and a non smoker? I guess beggars can be choosers. Since you're worried about spam, maybe you should go buy a can of it and try an "American Pie" experience. Who knows, maybe you won't ever need to attempt to date again!

sing me a love song - 18 (new castle)

Date: 2011-11-01, 11:40PM EDT
Reply to:

Reply To This Post

Ima bigger girl. Not fat but now skinny. I want a man i can b happy with nd go places. i may seem like im asking for much but i been gettin no luck and want that to change, it would be nice if u were very close cuz i liv being able to c my man wenever i want, Nd them not having a problem with just eatn me out and not always get sumthin back. U must drive nd kno how to treat a girl tattoos nd piercings r big plus especially dick, nipple, tongue ones. So cum to me babby im waiting. ;)

MUST INCLUDE A PIC OF FACE!!!

- You sound like a real winner...First off, may I suggest you go back to school and get your GED so that you can communicate like a human being? "Not fat but now skinny? Was that supposed to say "not", and if it was does that mean you are mid-sized? Maybe the reason guys don't take you out in public in the first place is because the only language you know is food and sex? You expect to find a man that will give w/ out receiving? Please! If I were a guy reading this, I would of instantly forgotten your measly existence on this planet. As far as your pre-requisites if you can look past the driving part I suggest you lower your standards from guy with a job to prison inmate. I'm sure they would find you personality appealing. They have enough free time to both write and sing you a song about love.

HSV2 Woman Seeking HSV2 Men - 41 (Monroeville)

Date: 2011-10-25, 11:31PM EDT
Reply to:

Reply To This Post

I know I've posted before but I'm serious this time. I need to meet a guy...for either friendship or more...who has the same issue that I have. (If you have HSV2, you understand how sensitive the issue is and how apprehensive we can be about disclosing it.) Please don't message me asking, "What is HSV2?" or "Is it contageous?" If you have it, you already know. If you just need to get laid, I won't even bother to respond.

-Ok so I had to Google this. HSV2 is genital herpes. Do they not have support groups for this sort of thing? Of course not! Let's just take it to craigslist. I am really pulling for this one though. If she ends up finding a boyfriend out of this, I may start believing in soul mates. "I know I've posted before but I'm serous this time" - I bet you are, as serious as genital herpes. "I need to meet a guy" - sounds to me like you've met at least one that is unforgettable! If she does happen to meet a guy with HSV2, I wonder what the dinner table conversation would consist of? To be a fly on the wall on that date...

Gorgeous College Coed Seeks Male Counterpart - 22 (Shadyside)

Date: 2011-10-24, 6:34PM EDT
Reply to:

Reply To This Post

I have the beauty, brains, and the personality. That's so hard to come by, especially since I am seeking the same in a guy.
I am seeking a SWM at least 21 and under 35. A guy on the taller, muscular side would be nice.
You get my picture only after I see yours.
I can get hookups anytime I like, so I am looking for someone to take me out and eventually date.
Thanks!
:)

-In High School, you were probably captain of the cheerleading squad, home coming queen and adored by all of your high school peers. Welcome to college. You are now a slutty soroi-tute that has probably banged half of the frat boys on campus. After your 30th one night stand and 7th trip to the free clinic in Oakland, I'm glad you finally decided to turn to Craigslist to find a boy to "take you out and eventually date." Your age range cracks me up. You want to make sure he is at least of legal drinking age, but old enough to drop you off at your dorm in the morning before he goes to his job that he's been working at since you were in 5th grade. I'm very happy for you that you can get hook up's anytime, but haven't you learned by now that everyone is beautiful when they are drunk?

- Keeping it real