Monday, April 23, 2012

Speed Dating - The Shelby Cole Perspective



                While I was doing research for the speeddate.com blog, it dawned on me that since I had already survived a Plenty of Fish Dance, another real life singles event wouldn't be all that bad.  One of my friends had brought to my attention this company that holds speed dating sessions at Bossa Nova, so on a whim, I decided to investigate.  Convincing my buddy Chuck to come along as a buffer as well as to engage in what I hoped would be high levels of entertainment, we pre registered paying $25 dollars for this event, and went in to it totally blind.

                Neither of us had ever gone speed dating before, and it was almost as if fate was intervening with the both of us during the week leading up to the event, because in conversations with each other, it felt like the AT&T speed dating commercial (the one where the guy tries telling the girl everything he thinks she wants to hear and she calls him out via his profile) was playing more frequently leading Chuck and I to believe this was going to be a total disaster.

                I emailed the event coordinator because I'm a girl, and wanted to know what people wear to these things.  After getting a response of "I tell everyone to dress as if you are going out on a first date," I concluded that this lady was about as helpful as a blind man trying to explain color to a deaf guy.  I was instructed to wear blue in recognition of Autism Awareness, and being that most of the men that message me on dating websites suffer from undiagnosed cases of it, I felt it was only appropriate that I comply.

                When Chuck arrived at my house, surprisingly we both were nervous wrecks.  The only detail about this event was that it was: Business Professionals 27-39.  Chuck was worried if he needed to bring his A game, or a harpoon incase he had to go on a whale hunt, where I was worried if I needed to bring my A game, or fill up my gas tank in preparation of having someone ask me to drive them home to their mothers house.  Going in to this completely blind was making my stomach churn, considering with the POF dance, I knew exactly what I was getting in to. 

                As we made our way down to Bossa Nova, my mind started racing.  Part of me was hoping that it would be a good time full of nice people, where the other part of me was hoping it would trump the POF dance experience and make an excellent blog.  Arriving at 6:40 as the event coordinator requested, Chuck and I mutually decided that we would make our initial decision of the evening based on when we walked through the door...

                Walking in, we were greeted by the event coordinator, who as I suspected, was cheerful and positive.  Looking around the room, there were 14 tables set up leading to the discovery that 28 people signed up for this event. There were only a couple of guys at this point, so Chuck and I decided to hit up the bar, which would end up being the beginning of the end for me.  10 minutes after we arrived, I was still the only girl that was there.  I'm freaking out at this point.  What if I'm the only girl to show up?  Granted it would be like a real life version of the Bachelorette, however I was most certainly not prepared to take on 1 guy let alone 14.  Being in a positive mood, I figured if life was going to hand me lemons this evening,  for the $7 I was paying for my drinks, the unfriendly bartender better be filling my cup with enough vodka to get an army drunk. 

                Finally other girls started to show up, and I was already 2 drinks and 1 shot deep so rather than stopping like a normal mature individual who is serious about dating someone would, I just kept on drinking like a frat boy.  I met a very nice girl, who was 38 and didn't look a day over 25 named Alexa* *names are being changed.  She was pretty much in the same boat that I was in as far as the whole dating scene, and it was as if I was talking to the 10 year future version of myself, which I found comforting.  Trying to pass her off to Chuck, and clearly seeing that she wasn't interested, the 3 of us made are way to our designated tables, me with not 1 but 2 $7 drinks in hand.  Feeling a bit loosened up, confident and positive for a change, the rules were explained and away we went.

                You get 6 minutes to sell yourself.  6 Minutes to discover if you are compatible with a person that is bullshitting you with all of their good qualities that they have to offer, because they are trying to get you to like them.  Maybe this is one of the many reasons that I am single, but I don't like to bullshit.  I refuse to sit and try to convince someone why I would make a good partner.  There's enough bullshit in politics that I purposely don't follow, so if a stranger is meeting me for the first time, they are getting the real me.

                After explaining how speed dating works, it was go time.  The first date was a little rough.  Both of us were new to speed dating, and where it wasn't awkward,  both of us being virgins to the entire experience, rather than actually getting to know each other, I dedicated a good 3 minutes on a semi drunken rant about how terrible Asians  are at parking cars.  After the first date was over, I was in the zone.  I kept thinking to myself "I got this" followed by, "where is the waitress with my beverage." 

                The second date was when I started finding my confidence and niche.  He was a Dr. starting a residency at a Pittsburgh hospital.  Most girls get lady wood the minute they realize someone is a Doctor/Lawyer/High Paid individual, but not me.  He really wasn't my type at all.   Instantly thinking of Lam (since she is a nurse) I played the dating angle with the hopes to get instantly in to the friend zone.  "There aren't any hot nurses where  you work that you can just boink in the break room?"  To which he replied, "No, not at all."  He then proceeded to tell me how difficult it was in his profession being a male and trying to get respected.  I literally LOL'ed.  Really? It was at that point that I said to him, "Well you're a Dr., find a plastic surgeon buddy to give you a vagina and boobs and maybe you will get some respect." He laughed.

                My third date was a Buffalo transplant who moved to Pittsburgh.  He opened up with, "So your name is Shelby, is your dad a car guy?"  In any other normal situation I would of walked away instantly with a face palm and not look back.  I get I have a unique name and anything manly that a guy can tie to something such as the name of a car, boat, or brand of hunting/fishing equipment, however if I had a dollar for every time I have had that line used on me, I would have about 100 dollars.  Slowly drinking myself in to an alcohol induced coma, it struck a nerve.  I looked at him and without even blinking an eye said, "Oh I see your name is XXX, where you named after a president?"  He chuckled, and we recovered the conversation to not be awkward for the remaining 5 minutes and 50 seconds.   

                It was at this point that things get a little fuzzy for me.  I noticed that I had screwed up the sheet that I was given that allows you to keep track of who you are meeting and taking notes to remember who is who, so like a 2 year old child, I called out to the event coordinator whining about how I messed up my sheet, to which she gave me a new one and I regrouped.  After 6 dates they gave us a break, to which I touched base with Chuck to see how he was doing.  We went to the bar to get another round of drinks, and made our way back up to the singles playground.

                For the record, anyone that is a male and is shorter than me, I consider to be that of midget like status.  My first date off the break was with a nice shorter gentleman.  He had such a good heart, and I instantly picked up on why he was single.  He was that genuinely "good" guy type that gets put in to the friend zone because he has no manly edge.  It was as this point that I told my new found friend about my evaluation of him, to which I told him to "stop being such a pussy around women."  I think I slightly offended him, but I am a firm believer that alcohol is like truth serum, and I was getting to the point of becoming an oracle of knowledge.  Call me vain, call me shallow, but romantically, I like men that can protect me in bar fights, not use me as a shield.

                My next date was with a guy that I could barley pronounce his name because it had 1 too many syllables for a drunk person speak properly without sounding like they had a dick in their throat.  Rather than attempting to butcher his name, and seeing that he was slightly as drunk as me, I asked him if I could call him Simba, considering his real name reflected that of which I would expect from a Lion King sequel.  Boy did he like the sound of his own voice, and normally being as tipsy as I was, a homeless man could of turned in to a vagina whisper at that point, my drunken instincts told me that something was up with this guy, and I decided to play along, talking to him like some dumb drunk sorortute would, stroking his drunken ego, while entertaining myself at this whole new level of face to face doucherey. 

                Unlike Chuck having a vivid sober memory of every date he went on, I do not. There is really only one other date that I can remember simply for the fact that this guy was super intense.  He literally leaned half way across the table invading my personal space and stared me straight in the eyes as if he was trying to go all mentalist on me.  He did not break eye contact whatsoever.  He then asked me the most annoying question that a single person can be asked, "So tell me why are you single?"  That also is a question that hits an apparent drunken nerve with me.  I started carrying on, cursing like a truck driver apparently about how I meet emotionally retarded men and every time I find someone I like it doesn't work out and blablabla.  I was hoping this would just instantly turn him off because he was really starting to freak me out.  That is when he looked at me and said that I was one of the most negative people he has ever met, considering my abusage of swear words.   It was at that point, that Shelby did her signature move.  I then proceeded to make up an entire story about how I was in a mentally abusive relationship and that I have severe issues that stem from it, allowing me not to love myself and that's why I can't love anybody else with a slight fake tear in my eye.  In my alcohol haze I instantly thought, "Ok this has to work, I hope he thinks I am unstable."  As the bell ran to end the date, still not breaking eye contact with me he says "Well now that I know about your past, I would really like to get to know you better."  Shit it didn't work....

                There is one other cloudy memory that I have with a guy that talked about his love of outdoorsy manly things.  He reminded me of Lance Armstrong considering he would talk about running, working out, and just listening to him talk about working out felt as if I was in fact working out.  He had mentioned that he wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment just someone that he could be "friends" with and go from there.  It was at that moment that I started talking about how many grandchildren I was hoping to have (totally skipping over my own children) and the hopes that I would be a GILF one day.  Hoping this would repel him, I tried to get the conversation as awkward as possible, even going as far as telling him how I want to name my first child after Ariel the Little Mermaid.  It worked...finally....

                Winding down I was waiting for Chuck to be my date, so that I could break the seal.  Since I was sitting down the entire time, I was unaware of how drunk I was at that point.  Chuck comes over, I stand up, and it hits me like mushroom stamp to the forehead, I'm pretty tanked.  I tell Chuck to hurry up in fear that I may pee on myself,  when not paying attention to what I was doing because we were walking and talking trying to hurry up to get back to dating, that I walked right in to the men's room...with Chuck.  There was an older man that was a bathroom attendant.  He looked at me with utter confusion as I walked in, still talking to Chuck.  It was at this point that I looked at him and said "I think I'm drunker than I think I am."  The bathroom attendant bursts in to laughter proceeded to escort me to the Women's room.  I could hear Chuck laughing as I was walking away at what had just happened, and we hurried back to find out that the event coordinator had paused the event for us.  Chuck and I sat down and began our 6 minute date when out of nowhere, in mid sentence I burped...out loud and unintentionally, drawing even more unwanted attention to myself  to the guy who would be dating me next. The last time I did this was at Lam's rehearsal dinner, to which my friends scowled at me, lucky for me, everyone around me at this event laughed and actually encouraged my lude behavior.

                It was finally over, and it was decision time.  Again trying to keep an open mind, I decided that I would just pick every guy that I met, to judge how impressionable I am.  Upon receiving the results the next morning 9 out of 14 men wanted to date me.  Chuck got 3 girls that wanted to date him. 

                After the exhausting dating was over, we migrated our way back over to the bar with our new found friends.  Apparently, I must be quite the entertainer when I am drinking, considering I had a group of 5 of the speed daters talking to me.  Not that it is any surprise to those of you that have had the privilege of drinking with me, but I gotta say, that night I was in fact the life of the party. I started walking around the bar trying to get an after party going.  I invited everyone and by that I mean everyone at the bar to come to Jekyll and Hyde in the South Side regardless of whether they participated in speed dating or not.  I pretty much had taken over this event, because if I wouldn't of been a drunken entertaining mess and I was a guy at that event, I would of been pissed paying 25 dollars. 

                Me, Chuck and 3 of our new found friends made our way to Jekyll for some more adult beverages, karaoke and a Shelby must have...planking.  Apparently there are video's of this that I hope never surface and of me doing drunken Karaoke and grinding on an old man. Chuck was unaware that these things tend to happen when I am given constant Cherry Vodka and Cokes.  This was Chuck's first time witnessing the elusive "Drunken Shelby Beast" so I'm very glad he came out of it unscathed.   The next morning, I had already received  3 emails, and 2 Face book requests.  I even got an email from the short guy, telling me that I offended him, to which at this point, I don't exactly remember how, but I'm sure it had to do with a conversation after speed dating was over.  Even though I apparently offended him, to date, I have received 5 or 6 emails from him, to which I have only responded once. 

                Overall, would I recommend speed dating?  Yes if you want to meet people, as long as there is alcohol involved.  I really did meet some really cool guys.  Where most of them I didn't really feel a spark with, I do think that I earned a badge in being an excellent wing woman, and I hope I can help a lot of these guys find what they are looking for.  They weren't the emotionally retarded guys like the ones that message me on dating websites, these were mostly guys looking for relationships, and putting themselves out there which is very honorable.   Unfortunately for me, I did not find love at Bossa Nova that night, but I did meet an exceptional group of young business professionals. 



-Keeping it real

Shelby

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