"Picked Last In Gym - Confessions of the So-Called Average/Nice Guy."

I am always open to both men and women sharing their horror stories with me.  It makes me feel less alone while fighting the battle against emotional dating retardation.  I commend those that have the balls to put their stories down on paper and share with the world, it shows a sense of realism in a changing world that some people are in denial about.  This blog was generated for one major reason: 1. To give both single and married people a good laugh in an entertaining way by either making them feel happy that they are in a relationship, or not alone if they are having problems being single and finding someone dateable. If you can’t look back and laugh on things that have happened in your own past and even present or anyone else’s, or take this blog in any way other than a good laugh, then clearly you take things too seriously, and probably should stop reading and go knit a sweater.  

The mind of a man has been one of the greatest mysteries to women since the dawn of time.  We don’t get them, they don’t get us, and it’s a vicious cycle of confusion, misinterpretation and head shaking.   When my speed dating buddy Chuck offered to write a blog based on a males perspective of life experience, I loved it.  I am smart enough to know that men and women are equally ridiculous, just mostly in different ways, but being that I do not have a penis, it’s impossible for me to get a valid guys perspective on dating, unless I ask for insight. 

This is a story, shared to me by Chuck, who is what I like to consider a normal, nice guy.  Job, Car, House, Never Married, No Children and makes an honest living.  He is not socially awkward, has a ton of friends (both male and female).  For those of you secret haters that are thinking, “Well if he’s that great, why don’t you date him.”  My reply is simple, “Some people are meant to be just friends and thats all.”

And now, here is a confession from a so-called average/nice guy….

Written by Chuck

When I was younger, I was just like any other young guy. Stubborn and thought I knew everything.  Guess what? I knew jack shit.  I was always arguing with my dad, college sucked, and I didn't know what to do. So, I joined the military.  I won't say which branch, because that may just give away too much.  It made my family, and especially my dad, very proud of me.  I was kind of proud too.  In doing so, what kind of wisdom did my dad have to offer me?  What inspiring words did he give me?

"You know, you're gonna get laid."

Yeah, my dad flat out said that.  Not one thing about where I may go, and what I may see; he simply told me, that I was going to get ass.  Wow.  Not the words I expected from my father.  At this point in my life, I was 21, and believe it or not, I was still a virgin.  Talk about your confessionals!  I was supposed to be the good boy that mama raise (but oh I had my fair share of big tit porn, trust me.  Amazing how magazines like that fit perfectly inside of an empty cereal box.)  And here is the good boy, being told by his dad, that he's gonna get laid, and a lot. 

My dad may have embellished a bit.

Now, I will confess, that I truly do picture myself as a nice guy, and I've been told many times, that I was too nice.  However, at the end of the day, I'm still a guy, and I still would think with the wrong brain.  Gee, go figure.  I've met some very interesting people while in the military (one who had blue prints to build a rocket ship from aluminum cans. Yeah, he was that strange.)  I've also had some interesting experiences.  However, when it came to girls and sex that was a different story all together.  Nice guy = awkward.  On occasion.

Now, I did end up not being a virgin before I left for the military, but that's a different story all together.  This story is just a couple quick anecdotes I just found to be very very funny, and typical me.

First up:  There was a local place we like to go to, to check out bands. My one buddy and I would go all the on Sundays, because it was open mic night.  I noticed this same woman who came in all the time, and gave all of her attention to the military guys.   Now, I'm young (about 24 at this point,) I'm in great shape, and I pretty much am not the same guy I used to be.  I was still nice, but I was also confident.  I was also, extremely freaking horny.  Noticing this, I put on my "A" game, and ask the band if I could sing a tune.  They said sure, and I proceeded to rock out.  Oh yeah, I'm kinda a rock star in my own little world (little do I know, I was actually kind of good.)  This got the woman's attention.  I found her to be attractive (well in young man's terms, hot) and she grabbed my arm to tell me I was a great singer.  I of course said thanks, and went back with my buddy.  She kept looking back at me and talked to her friends pointing, so I figured, time to move.  It's go time.  I of course am always prepared, so I noticed what she was drinking and decided to bring her a drink.  We talked for a good while and she seemed very nice, but was definitely friendly and flirty.  We dance a bit, and of course had some good old fashioned PDA fun.  For some odd reason or another we started talking about movies, and Jurassic Park came up.  She told me how great she thought it was. I told her I never saw it, and this shocked her.  Guess what? That was my in.  And guess what? I've still never seen Jurassic Park.  Anyhow, it was time to leave, and being the awesome and cute military guy I was, she invited me back to her place to "watch Jurassic Park."  Yeah....sure that's why she invited me back. So we got hailed a cab.  As we got in, my drunk buddy jumped in the cab too.  "Where we goin?" 

I said "you're going back to base; I'm going home with her."

She said "We're going to watch Jurassic Park"

Yeah right.

He said "Oh cool I've never seen it; I'm coming with you..."

And it was too late to kick him out, because the cabbie already drove by the base.

That son of a bitch was cock blocking' me.

Well, that didn’t' stop me.  We got back to her place and she gave us all a beer and she did in fact put on the movie.  She and I continued to enjoy our PDA in front of my buddy.  He was actually too into the movie to pay attention anyway.  She did show me where the bedroom was, and said "I'll be back."  She basically just went to slip into sweats and what not, but anyhow, came back to the couch and we kissed a little more.  Then, she proceeded to giggle.  Not sure why because I was keeping my tongue in check..or is that in cheek? ba-da-bum.

I asked her what was so funny.

"You know, if you're buddy wasn't here right now, we'd probably be in the other room."

Fucking cock block.  Dammit!

"Hey, he doesn't have to come into the room with us, because that's just gross anyway," I told her.  Then she replied,

"I shouldn't be doing this.  This just doesn't seem right."

Seemed ok to me! My dad was right!  Queue the porn music! Bow-chica-wow-wow!

"I'm old enough to be your mother."

Um...yeah I don't think so.  I said, "yeah right, you're like what 32, 33?"

"I'm 49."

My mother WAS in fact 49 at that very moment.

My boner was gone.

My dad was wrong.

*sigh*