Same Shit - Different Year

I used to be one of those people that would eat up the "new year, new me" and "this is going to be my year" bullshit. But after about year 30, resolutions last shorter and shorter, and long term goals turn in to daily wins including successfully getting out of bed without tripping over anything or managing to wear matching socks. 

At the start of this new year, even the first 10 days in, if it was any foreshadowing of the upcoming year for me, I sooner than later may be seeking out convents to join. 

I started off the year by setting up a ridiculous amount of dates (like 6 in two weeks) with the hopes of at least finding one with 2nd date potential. I have a tendency of this vicious circle of overachieving, feeling defeated, quitting for a few weeks, and repeat. I had set up a match.com date with a guy that lived fairly close to me and we agreed to meet at a local pizza joint, so I had hoped that I would be starting the year off on a positive note with someone who lived within my "shower spider killing concept" 

You see, I have several female friends that I pretty much confide everything to, considering we see each other almost every day. They are constantly joking with me because my ideal guy would live up the street if it were up to me. I find places like Robinson, Monroeville and Cranberry to be the equalivallant of a long distance relationship, because it is a different zone according to the pat bus system.  I love debating with men that live in those areas that tell me they can make it downtown in 25/30 min. I always congratulate them on 1. Breaking speed limits and managing to not lose their license and 2. Remind them to add 15 min on to their travel time, because I live that far away from "downtown" in an awkward area that is not convient to get to. Normally I win and if that doesn't work I always use the example of the shower spider:

What happens if I find a terrifying spider in my bath tub that has crawled up the drain?  There is a small 30 minute window that I can lock myself in my bedroom terrified, before I go in to horror movie mode. I need that hero that lives within that 30 min radius that can come kill it, before I consider moving.  That my friends, is my definition of a knight and shining armor.    

Now I'm sure you are thinking, "What do you do now with you don't have a hero?" To which the answer is simple - typically I will still lock myself in a safe part of the house hoping it will disappear, and if it doesn't, I awkwardly try to drown it and send it back down the drain- but the mental anguish of worrying that by killing one of its own, that others will follow and conspire to inflict revenge like pissed off villagers with torches- I do not want to be responsible for allowing my overactive imagination to get the best of me...

So with that being said, I had found someone living in my own zip code? Instant brownie points. So as I geared up for whatever 2015 throws at me, I headed to the date....

When I arrived it was fairly normal of a start. He looked just like his pictures so I had not felt as if I had been fooled. He had told me in an email that he had been on vacation all week and had pretty much done nothing but watched college bowl games. Not really my idea of a vacation but whatever to each their own. During our date, there happened to be a bowl game on, to which he asked the waitress if she could change the station to it, which again -not a big deal. Trying to rip a man away from sports is the equivillant of asking them to stop breathing so I get it, however on a first date I feel there can be a special exception. 

Literally the entire time I was there - the only time he took his eyes off the tv to talk to me was during commercial breaks. He was even more interested in shit-texting his brother every other minute than engaging in any kind of "getting to know you conversation" that involved him looking at me. About midway though the date, I felt like I was on a date with myself, to which I realized that I wanted to be sitting at home watching tv alone, instead of sitting in this pizza place with someone who is distracted with college bowl game - that mind you was a 30 point blow out and this point, so I made the executive decision to fake a hangover. I started getting "sicker and sicker" however I didn't have to do much psychial  acting considering I could of stabbed myself with a fork and got carted off by the paramedics and he wouldn't of took his eyes off the goddamn TV screen to notice me missing from the table. So finally I said that I needed to go home and lie down or I was going to throw up all over the table.  

He had asked me if I would mind giving him a ride home, to which I agreed because it was right down the street on my way home too. Amazingly, I had his full attention the 2 min drive home, however by that time it was too late for him - there wasn't going to be a second date. He then asked me if I wanted to come inside and 1. Listen to jazz records, 2. Drink a hot tea and "talk" and my favorite 3. Watch more college football. I declined and headed home feeling slightly defeated, but not ready to give up on dating all together.   

Apparently he thought the date went way better than it did because he asked me to hang out that next night and the night after, both events involved going to his place to "get to know each other and - you guessed it: watch football. Clearly this guy had no clue: Why the hell would I want to Partake in the same activity that you ignored me for the first time?  After I told him no 2 times he hit me with the "are you even interested in me?" Question. I'm sure this will shock a lot of people because I am perceived as being a very outspoken borderline bitch - however unless someone gets extremely inappropriate with me, I try to let down people I am not In to as politely as possible.  I tried explaining to him how I thought it was a total turn off that he pretty much ignored me the entire time for football - a blowout game too. He then then did what any rejected man would do and compare me to "all girls", said some pretty lightly offensive things, apologized and left me alone. Strike one

Rub Me in all the Wrong Ways

I had been getting bored with the ok Cupid and Pof circuit and wanted to try something different - so I decided to give Tinder a fair chance.  I had always done terrible on Tinder  not even in a gross message kind of way, more like a no message kind of way.   I knew people that got multiple dates from it, I typically wasn't as lucky. So naturally when the opportunity presented itself that I had found somebody on there that wanted to meet, I went into it open-mindedly. Being that Tinder is notoriously known for being a hook up app I made very clear right up front that that was not my intention, to which he was ok with and we seemed to be looking for the same things. Looking back now he did say some offbeat things that normally would strike me as socially awkward and not weird but I try to give everybody the benefit of the doubt especially when it's hard to know what peoples demeanors are when it comes to chatting not on the phone. 

Things started getting shaky when we tried to coordinate a place to meet at. As a 32-year-old female I might sound a little bit old school however I feel that I'm in a first date scenario the guy should either 1. Find a location that is close to the female so that she does not have to travel far. Or 2. Find a location that is halfway so that both parties have an equal distance to travel home upon a terrible date. I personally do not think that is too much to ask. So naturally when he suggested a location that was fairly close to him I declined and said let's try to meet somewhere halfway. He then gave me the name of another location outside of the city to which I thought was very close again to where he lived. He told me no and that I was thinking of a different area of Pittsburgh so I said okay and we decided to meet at a restaurant there. As I was driving to the restaurant and my directions told me to get off at the exit to which was in fact the city he lived in, I was pissed.  I hadn't even met this guy yet and he had already lied to me, naturally I was slightly jaded. 

As I made my way inside the restaurant he was standing at the hostess stand waiting for me. We sat down and ate our food and engaged in very normal conversation. I was slightly nervous it being a Tinder date and all because you never know what to expect. So I was very pleasantly surprised when the conversation maintained normal and respectable and I'd come to the conclusion that he was just quirky when he messaged. He excused himself to go to the restroom as I sat and finish my dinner. I still really wasn't sure if I was feeling him exactly, he really wasn't my type, but I was still willing to get to know him better. Little did I know this was the point of the date where the train would derail, catch on fire and start a forest fire similar to those of the ones in California. 

As he returned back from the bathroom he sat down directly next to me in the booth. Basing off of what little I knew about him I thought that he was doing it just to be slightly cute and corny funny, and figured that he would return to his side of the table after a minute or two...but he didn't. At first I laughed uncomfortably, but when I realized he was actually not going anywhere, it became a personal space issue for me. At this point I was stuck- if I backed myself towards the wall he would've had me pinned in the booth, but at least if I sat close enough to the edge I could always kind of shove him out if things got a bit uncomfortable. It's one thing to get up close and personal with somebody if you feel that the date is going that route but I don't feel that I set out any type of signal to elude that I wanted him to come sit next to me.  For me it got awkward at that point, but any chance of a second date ended when the next thing I know he begins to rub my leg under the table. He starts to rub and then tells me what strong leg muscles I have. In my mind all I can start thinking about is taking the fork that was left on the table, jamming it into his leg and see how he likes being touched.  I really tried not to come off as a stone cold bitch, but to me that is a "bad touch". It's one thing to rub the leg of someone that you have known for a while and have been previously intimate with, but to rub a girls leg on the first date when it's been established that there will be no hooking up- that's just inapprops. I decided that In order to diffuse the situation calmly I would nonchalantly grab his hand, remove it from my leg and place it on top of the table where it rightfully belonged. 

Unfortunately he had a secondary plan. When I went to grab his hand to remove from my knee, he then grabbed my hand and tried to hold it...under the table.  I couldn't tell if I had teleported back in to 4th grade, if this poor guy genuinely does not know proper first date protocol, or if he knew exactly what he was doing and thought I would be ok with it, either way I was officially freaked out. To make matters worse, when he grabbed my hand under the table he then looked at me and said "Oh come on, you can just hold my hand under the table nobody has to know."  I wanted to run but I couldn't because he was still sitting in the booth next to me. At this point I had to talk my way out of it. That was the only way I was going to get out of this situation safely. Not that he was any kind of threat mind you, but there's really no coming back from a "bad touch."  After completely bullshitting my way through an explanation that these are things that you don't do on a first date but on a second or more date, he returned to his side of the table. My presence at that restaurant was very short-lived after that.   Strike two

It'a Hot in Hurrrr

I had met this guy on OkCupid we hit it off instantly. Our first few messages back-and-forth were very fun, and we engaged in smart ass banter which is my favorite. Nothing is more attractive to me then a guy that can go toe to toe with me and my smart mouth, so naturally I was intrigued. A lot of times during the "getting to know you process" a conversation turns less into fun and more and more like an interrogation and you start to feel obligated to respond in lieu of getting excited. With him and I the conversation just flowed.  I have been excited for dates before but as the time grew closer for us to me I started getting really excited. If he was anything in person like he was on the phone, I felt like this guy had more potential than a lot of the others I had met. The only downside was that he lived 45 minutes away from downtown, close to where I grew up. I didn't want to get my hopes up too much, but he was willing to meet me more than halfway so I was willing to give it a shot, until literally our location changed three times between the day before and the day of and we kept getting further and further away from the city and closer and closer to his backyard. Again I found myself in a situation where I was irritated before I even left the house. 

When he showed up he was exactly what I expected. He was very good looking, you could tell that he took good care of himself, The only downer was that he smoked and I could smell it on him like a bloodhound. I promised myself that I would never become an ex-smoker that would frown upon people that smoke - however I've become a hypocrite and understand now what every guy I dated before went through.  Unless you are a smoker yourself- It's pretty gross. 

He chose a location that had been known for bringing in a lot of musical acts, but also had a restaurant too. The first hurdle that we experienced was when we sat down the band was playing very loudly so it was hard for us to hear each other. Not really a good place to have a first date but I didn't hold that against him. Within minutes of sitting down I had instantly noticed that he had kept wiping his forehead. I, naturally I'm always cold so for me to break out a sweat it's usually during physical activity or im getting ready to puke.  For him, however he was just sitting there wiping his forehead....a lot. 

Being fairly dark in there I didn't notice how bad he was sweating until a beam of light happened to hit his face and it looked like he had turned on his own personal waterfall. Sweat was visibly pouring from his face and his shirt was drenched to the point where it looked like he had gotten caught in a rainstorm. 

I kinda felt bad. I truly had hoped that it wasn't because he was nervous or that I was making him nervous, but he assured me that he had just got done working out and that was why.  I think he forgot that I'm pretty familiar with health and wellness, because I have never seen a product that would cause anyone to continue to sweat in such a way, especially that long after a workout. Before we even ordered our food, he excused himself and went to the bathroom to "freshen up". A few minutes later he came back and assured me that he felt better. 3 glasses of water and 2 attempts to move somewhere that we could actually hear ourselves talk. 

The entire time I was trying to distract myself from 1. The epic pit stains that were literally hypnotizing and 2. The constant motion of him wiping of his forehead with his forearm.  I tried to engage in banter-but made no comments about the sweating hoping it wouldn't detail the date. I managed to distract myself and we ended up having a very nice conversation and really opened up about our pasts/commonalities and joked around a bit. 

Literally after he got done eating the last bite of his meal - he excused himself from his seat and went outside to smoke a cig. At this point I knew he was pretty hooked considering I was in the same boat over 2 years ago. I was most happy that maybe by him going outside he would "cool" down, considering it was 25 degrees outside. When I looked at him outside, I swear I saw steam rising from him, but then again It could have easily been 1. The smoke of his cig or 2. The fire pit he was standing next to. Either way - it appeared that he was truly cooling off. 

When he returned inside he reeked of cigarette smoke. It was bad.  I tried not to say anything - again because I try not to be an hypocrite, and eventually the smell went away and I had hoped that by him going outside his body temp would return to normal and he would stop sweating. That was the case....for about 10 min. He then again began to continuously wipe his brow and I had eliminated all attempts to even come up with an explanation. As the date ended, even with a drenched shirt and all, he politely walked me to my car and watched me get lost attempting to get out of the confusing parking lot of his location. 

Remembering that I had a 45 min drive ahead of me, getting angry again, I had more than enough time to reflect on what had just occurred. 

I was willing to go out with him again, considering he didn't cross any "bad touch" lines, or ignored me for a televised sporting event. I was even willing to look past his smoking and profuse sweating, however I never heard from him after that. With that being only a week and a half in to the new year and strike three - I decided it was time to take a break from dating... 

So like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum - I deactivated all things online dating with the exception of my match.com profile because I am already locked in to a 6 month subscription. I wanted to deactivate my Facebook too, because lately I have been getting random friend requests from people I don't know, only to have them hit on me later. Unfortunately though, if I were not addicted to games like Family Guy: quest for stuff and candy crush - Facebook would be irrelevant to me, but since those games are linked to it, I'm kinda stuck. And also too- if it weren't for Facebook no one would know about this blog, so I'm slightly dammed if I do dammed if I don't. 

Sadly I do terrible on match.com so needless to say checking it once every couple of days doesn't really fall in to the "aggressive" category.  Now that I'm not online dating my days have been filled with work-working out-TV and sleep, and I gotta tell ya, not only have I lost a couple of lbs, but I've never been this rested in almost 2 years...

Keeping it real

-Shelby 

 

You are doing it all wrong....

If it weren't for online dating, I would literally sit at home doing nothing but watching stomach humping porn on HBO and eating myself in to oblivion thanks to my obsession with Callente's pizza.  

I always seem to get asked the question, "what brings you to this site?" Depending on my mood my response varies from, "I'm just seeing what's out there." (To which I am fully aware of what is out there, I mean I have literally gone out with 75% of the men in this city that I find attractive or intriguing.). "I don't get approached in public." (Again, either because of unintentional bitch face, I'm constantly surrounded my male friends who have strong personalities, or im drunk.. which most would think would be an easy way for me to meet people, however if you have had the pleasure to see me in a drunken state, the Shelby shit show could potentially make any straight man easily consider a sex change operation and be eternally terrified of women.)

Lately I have non chilantly been running in to men that I have gone out with in the past, which makes for a less than awakward experience and has added validity to my claim of dating 75% of "my type" of men in this city. Within 2 weeks I managed to run in one guy from my 2nd run at match.com at a pizza place.  I remembered him as the guy who literally got up during our mid coffee date, abruptly ending the conversation for no apparent reason, and just leaving. Not many people dumbfound me, hence why I remembered exactly who he was. I remember asking myself if I was getting punked and waited for Ashton to jump out from behind the plant at starbucks or something. 

As my friend and I stood there waiting for our pizza, which seemed like an eternity, because the guy and I were about 10 feet from each other and I had immediately recognized him, I channeled my inner childhood and brushed off my ventriloquist skills to non chilantly alert my friend as to what was going on. I caught him looking at me with that awkward "I know you from somewhere, but I can't figure it out." So naturally, I turned away from him to hide my ID badge, in efforts to maybe confuse him 1/10th of what he had done to me. 

There was another instance to which I ran in to another guy I ran into at my friends bday party at Cavo no more than less than a month later. This guy could of qualified as royalty in the douchebag family. He was the first guy I found myself liking after my break up. He seemed sweet, was my type (looks wise) and didn't smother me with questions in our conversations. When we met he was everything I expected and more.. until he tried to get a little handsy after our scare house date, to which I flat out told him I wasn't sleeping with him. Naturally that was the last I had heard from him until that night at Cavo. So when he walked up to me, I about a 6 on the drunk scale, somehow I channeled my inner drunken rainman and remembered who he was and I naturally called him out. Slurring my words I said to him, "oh yeah you are the douchebag that didn't call me because I didn't fuck you on our first date."  I then gave him a thumbs up with a cheesy, "if I throw a stick will you leave me alone" smile and walked away. His true nature shined as brightly as the sun when I watched him in the VIP section basically shoving alcohol down the throats of girls that their presence just screamed, "I have daddy/self esteem issues."  At that point I realized I had came out a winner, and watching him pathetically try to get girls drunk enough to take them home to bang them. Apparently having some sort of self respect for yourself is not the trending color or the season. 

Recently though, I have met some normal decent men, but unfortunately there is just no mutual spark or chemistry.  I havent had to throw a date in quite some time. Online however, I still manage to be the equavillant of freak fly paper. 

With that being said, I would like to share with you some people that just don't get the whole, "I'm just not that in to you" 

Dear Martin the Masterbater,

Wow, you certainly put the "master" in the word masterbation don't ya?  I bet loads of socially awkward men from the oceans of plenty of fish seek out your knowledge in the art of masterbaition...you are like the handy-llama.  "I'd tap that?" I'm glad you felt the need to compare me to a keg because even if I were to consume the 1982 ounces of beer that a 1/2 keg holds, I still wouldn't find you attractive.  If you can't even pick up the dirty laundry that is on the floor of the bedroom at your parents house that you have never moved out of, you clearly are incapiable of picking up a woman. 

Dear Pubey Pablo,

I'm glad that a legamite quality you seek in a soulmate depends on wether their vagina is sporting a playoff beard or looks like a Mexican hairless chihuahua.  I mean screw personality, looks or income, apparently the key attribute to a long lasting relationship in your 

mind is if the carpet matches the drapes or is a hardwood floor. It's hard to believe that someone as intellegent as you, with such a intellegent mind set is single.  Considering its winter, I'm single and you aren't even worth a 2 pack of razors at the dollar store, I'll let you visualize me singing the Indiana jones theme as i pretend to use my machete to hack through the jungle, knowing it's not at all for you. 

Dear Chatty Charlie,

No I do not want to go ice skating with you, hence why I didn't respond. I did block you, because you felt the need to constantly send me messages to which I never responded, hoping you would get the point that I was not interested, but instead you insisted on continuing to have a conversation with yourself. All because you got a new screen name, and found me again, still doesn't make me interested in you. It's not because you have a "beautiful" daughter that I will not go out with you. Fyi-Everyone thinks their child is beautiful, so playing that card won't work. I admire the notion of "Not taking no for an answer" when it comes  to thinks like: getting a refund for something that defective, fighting for your right to party, or working a customer service job that is commission based for up selling, but annoying someone in to even talking to you, is not a good way to start a relationship that only exsists in your head. It will be a good morning for me when I dont wake up to 60 messages  sent from you during this one sided conversation...

Dear Jerk Off Jim -

You should be proud of what your life has become. I mean really, I hope you wake up every day, take a shit, look down at it, and reflect on the similarities between that heaping pile of shit and what your life has become.  Sadily I'm sure your roomate is used to hearing the sounds of your sobbing coming from your empty bedroom, post ejactulation. I envision your bedroom like that of an 18 year old boy. Posters of half naked women probably cover the walls, playboys and hustlers tucked under your twin mattess that is on the floor and credit card bills piled on the desk next to your computer, including charges from pornhub 

and other various porn and live cam sites. I'm sure turning on a black light would result in your bedroom glowing so brightly that it could be seen from space, revealing what one would think that the great sperm massacre of 69' occurred there. It's probably a good thing that your sperm has not actually generated anything productive aside from just making your room as sticky as the floor at any given bar in the south side.  I hope after the 11th profile that you will need to create on Pof because the first 10 were unsuccessful, that you still don't find anyone stupid enough to allow you to procreate.  I truly hope you find a swallower. 

Keeping it real

-Shelby 

The freaks come out on Halloween weekend

Halloween by far used to be one of my favorite holidays. I remember trick-or-treating up until the age of 16 or 17. My final trick-or-treating consisted of dressing up as one third of a member of the powder puff girls hopping in my 95 Ford escort and driving around town trying to hit up as many houses as I could. I remember running to one house completely oblivious to the fact that I was running straight into a wooden enbankment. I fucked up my shin pretty good but even with blood running down my leg like I just had my first period, I continued on my quest to acquire as much candy as I possibly could, only for my dad to eat all of it within the next the days following. With that logic in mind I'm seriously considering renting someone's child next Halloween. 

Some of my fondest memories are from my early 20s getting all skanked up with some of my best friends at the time and hitting up the craziness of the southside and what used to be Station Square.  Before husbands and babies and a horrible boyfriend's it was just a group of friends that went out got stupid drunk and acted a fool and those were some of the best years of my life. But unfortunately with each passing year came marriages and children and the large group that once used to dominate the dance floor started dwindling and getting smaller and smaller. Eventually when you become one of the last people that are single in a group of friends, Halloween becomes less and less exciting. You find it harder and harder to find people that actually want to go out to bars because it seems like once you are in a relationship and or married you go from the bar circuit to the house party circuit. Not that house parties are a bad thing but it's very difficult to meet new people when you're confined to a house full of all of your friends for a night, unless they intentionally invite outsiders that they are trying to set you up with. 

Throughout all of this online dating bullshit I have met people that seem to tell the same story that I can relate to. All of their friends are either married or have kids so none of them can really be at each other's disposal. Halloween is a supersensitive time of year because it pretty much is determined based on your social status where you end up. I have been blessed to acquire a set of friends that give me the best of both worlds. I was able to go to both a Halloween party at a friends house where I didn't have to dress skanky and could be amongst friends, but I also have single friends that allowed me to go out to the bars and dress exceptionally skanky. Some people are not as fortunate as I am. 

I had removed myself from online dating after finding myself yet again in a situation where I had met an asshole who took total advantage of my hospitality and kindness. After wasting three months being an emotional crutch to a guy that was going through a very rough time and sounded like he needed a friend, only to have said friend stop talking to me after a drunken conversation that I don't even remember, I felt as if I had been taken advantage of and was super pissed off for like a day. I thought by trying to be a good person and lend a supportive hear that I would be paying forward all of the good karma that has been happening to me recently, but it turned out to be another fluke and just another selfish asshole tally to my on going list. 

I gave myself a three-week mental vacation from online dating but as I was getting ready to go out for round one of Halloween festivities, I had a super huge epiphany. For the first time in a very long time the person staring back at me in the mirror felt confident and sexy. For the longest time I had little to no self-esteem which is to be expected when you have an ex-boyfriend the constantly would point out your imperfections. My least fondest memory was the times that he would walk up to me grab my stomach and shake it and in his Billy Madison voice say "he is going to be a soccer player" on a regular basis. After falling victim and allowing him to strip me of all of my self-confidence and self worth, as I looked back at myself in the mirror on Friday, I felt a huge sense of not only accomplishments but confidence. My biggest regret is probably that I allowed him to take those attributes away from me, but it doesn't matter because now I'm a force to be reckoned with. I went from looking in the mirror and saying ill "I wouldn't fuck that with Ron Jeremy's dick" to "goddamn I'd hit that". What a difference a couple of years makes..

With that being said it was time to go back on even if it was just for the weekend. Showing a lot of TA and especially since the girls looked fantastic and both of my outfits I decided to reinstate my profile. My entire profile became an invalid due to my "do not message me if" list considering I specifically tell people not to talk about my body parts and here I am a flashing them all over the place but I decided to have a little bit of fun with that and see what I can conjure up in the spirit of Halloween. Let's just say it did not disappoint... 

Just for reference this is what I woke up to after reinstating my profile for only eight hours

I accumulated 54 messages on Saturday morning 24 on Sunday and 20 on Monday. I'm trying very hard not to remain stereotypical however this is a perfect example of how stupid men can be on these websites. The only thing that has changed about my profile is the color of my hair. My do not message me if list is still there along with all of my other witty comments. But yet I post a new picture and almost to 100 men think I am a new user and fresh meat. Of those hundred men most of them I had either previously talk to or previously intentionally ignored. The moral of the story is that if you actually read a profile and pay attention... you wont look like an asshole to the female online population. I have noticed this happens numerous times when I change my hair color.  I literally go from 2 to 3 messages a day to half of the goddamn site messaging me

With that being said let me start out with messages that don't even warrant responses:

This is a fun convo he is having with himself....

This is by far one of the most unintelligent people on the planet 

Maybe when I figure out what a bich is or what fukkin means, this may have some sort of relevance..untill then stay classy asshole!  

And now for the responses: 

I'm sorry, you are just too damn dumb for me...

Switching it up... Here is this quality specimens profile description. (FYI this guy has been featured in previous blogs) 

So what girl wouldn't want a guy who is not only into astrology, claims to be a "pleaser" but also openly admits that he's only roofied seven women and his entire sex life. 

Keepin it real-

Shelby 

Life Lessons I have learned on the bus

                   6 months ago, if you would of asked me what I thought about city transportation, I would of given some bitchy response that would have been perceived as it being beneath me in almost a mean girl sounding undertone.  I would of  said something along the lines of, “Why do I need to take the bus when I have a car?”  I even remember in my mid 20s getting in to a heated argument with a guy I was dating because he didn’t have a car and lived his life by a bus schedule, and at the time, I never really understood his point of view.

                When I obtained a job that landed me working right in the heart of downtown I was faced with the ultimate decision as to how badly I wanted the Pittsburgh Parking Authority to fuck me without at least offering to take me to dinner first.  I was torn between the choice of a purchasing a parking pass for an over-priced, over-crowded downtown garage that the parking spaces are not “one size fits all” and are full of Lexus and Audi driving pricks that feel they have a special sense of entitlement to park like a degenerate assholes and take up 2 spaces to “protect their investment,” or go completely out of my element and choose public mass transportation.  So I decided to choose the latter.

                When you are newbie to mass transit, the first step is to try to figure out your route.  This is quite a painful process especially when you have no clue what the hell you are doing, and the cities transit website is confusing as hell.  Trying to figure out the damn bus schedule for the city of Pittsburgh is about as difficult as trying to describe color to a blind man.  I even recruited Chuck’s help to try to help me crack the elusive bus code, and after a solid hour pow-wow that involved yelling, screaming, thoughts of sending a nasty email to the port authority, we figured out the best schedule that I could take.

                I remember my first bus ride was like the first day of Kinder garden.  I was overwhelmed with emotion.  What if the bus doesn't come?  What if I don’t get off at the right stop?  What if no one pulls the cord?  Will it still stop anyways?  I was on the verge of a panic  attack during my first ride.   I knew nothing of any rules, proper etiquette, or even carry on rules.  Was this similar to an airplane where I can only have 1 bag per person?  Will I get yelled at for having a lunch bag and purse?   

                After getting comfortable and observing my surroundings, I slowly began to blend in like a chameleon.  I discovered the hard way in the first month that you don’t talk to people nor make eye contact with anyone before 7:30am because everyone on the bus would much rather wear ear buds and facebook stalk than have a conversation with you.  I also learned that if your ear buds are up too loud, people will ask you to turn your “sinner” music down.  I also learned that apparently if the person sitting next to you does not like the scent of your body spray, they will in fact move to a different seat, stare at you and talk about you to the new person sitting next to them.

By the time spring came, I felt that considering I had been riding the same bus and started seeing some of the same faces during my commute that I had been grandfathered in to the route.  When I started to see the same people every morning, I began to make up nick names for them in my head, and when I would have a bad morning, I would feel a sense of belonging knowing that the likes of “Narcoleptic Ned” ,  “Jerry O’Connell Look-a-like and “Skinny Asian girl who’s body I want to swap” were all my bus peeps, even if they didn't know my name, we were a family.

Aside from my imaginary bus family, it is also a 25 min chance for me to gather my thoughts, get my mind awake and when that happens, I tend to get the most random thoughts and ideas.   Some days, when I am feeling confident that I am looking like a hot business women, I will stand up in the middle of the isle 1 stop prior to where I get off and visualize myself as if I am a hot pirate (Kinda like Penelope Cruz in the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie) and I have just commandeered this bus and I am demanding the driver to drop me off at my final destination so that I can go downtown to pillage.  Another time I had a random thought when I noticed there were 7 men standing in a row in the isle way.  All I kept thinking is how if the bus came to a sudden stop, it would go from “Typical Monday Morning Bus ride” to an Accidental Male orgy on wheels.  Then I had the pleasure to witness what may have made Guinness Book for “Longest attempt to take a  selfie and still fail” Timed at 27 Minutes. 10 attempts to which each picture looked exactly the same as the one before, 1 facebook post only to be removed to make 5 more attempts and re-post on Facebook.

                There are also some life lessons that cannot be observed, they have to be lived through….

Lesson #1:  The Bus Stops for No One

                Upon the beginning of spring, with the help of my steady income and personal stylist (Pintrest) I decided that at 31, I was going to start to be more fashionable.  With that in mind, I went on a $800 shopping spree to bulk up my closet with pretty much a diverse selection of Wedges, Blazers and colorful shirts.  I set a  goal to obtain every color of the rainbow in wedges, and managed to succeed with the likes of the internet and Ebay.  I have never been a stiletto girl ever.  I own 1 pair of heels that I would get made fun of for repeatedly because they were by far the most comfy but ugliest pair of heels on the planet, so I basically had to reteach myself how to walk in Wedges.  After about a week of twisting my ankle and blisters galore, I finally mastered the art like a champ and no longer looked like a baby giraffe trying to take its first steps. I was feeling good, confident and was on a total power trip, and would determine that If I could make the 1 block walk to the bus stop without twisting my ankle, it was going to be a good day.

                The bus was late as usual and it had begun to rain so I literally hurried on to the bus hoping that I didn't look like a drown rat with great looking wedges.  I placed my card  on the unit that registered fares and noticed that there were no seats available up front, so instantly I heard Outkast's song playing in my ever running mind instructed me to, “Ah HA hush that fuss, Shelby you need to move to the back of the bus”  so I did.     As I was heading towards the back I always try to get the seats that are at the very back at the bus, because they vibrate.  Yeah I said it…and now I will probably never get that seat again.  Those seats were taken by other like-minded women that day, and there was one seat available in the middle of a 3 seat configuration that had a pole attached to it.   There was a guy to the left who resembled a young Abraham Lincoln.  He had a long beard that had a hint of red and brown in it and was wearing a business suit.  If he had a Mr. Peanut hat, he would have been fully ready for a civil war re-enactment outing.  To the right was a mid 20’s casual dressed girl that was nose deep in her phone and ear deep in her headphones.  During this entire time, an elderly lady had gotten on behind me so the bus was at a compete stop and I had no problems getting to the back of the bus.  As I reached the top step of the back of the bus that lead to this 3 seat configuration, the bus jerked forward.  It was as if the bus driver had hit a hidden NOS switch and we were about to go head to head over a set of train tracks against Vin Diesel.  When the bus jerked forward, I lost my balance and headed straight for honest Abe.  When you are in a life and death situation such as this, it is human nature to instinctively put your hands out in order to prevent any direct confrontation ,however the only thing stopping me from supermanning this poor dude was the pole.  And that’s when it happened.  Both of my hands grabbed the pole and channeling my inner stripper, the momentum from the jerk of the bus caused me to spin around and I ended up reverse cowgirl in this poor guys lap.  As I looked down and saw his wedding ring, I felt even worse knowing that I accidentally had just given a married man a partial unintentional lap dance.  Face red as all hell, and the entire bus laughing hysterically at what had just happened, I kept apologizing and sat in my intended seat.  Not helping was realizing that my ear buds were up exceptionally loud and I was literally yelling my apology to this man, drawing attention to myself from now both the front and back of the bus.  I sat in silence for the next 25 minutes and literally ran off the bus as quick as I could.  I purposely took the earlier bus for a week to avoid seeing his guy.  Then exactly one week to the day in  the same seat was honest Abe.  I had been lucky enough to get the back seat, so I put my sunglasses on, ear buds in and let the bus ride me to work, only to open up my eyes, and see Abe staring at me with a shit eating grin on his face…

Lesson #2. Don’t Fall In Love with Strangers

                Every Friday is casual day, so therefore we can dress down.  Lately dressing down for me consisted of a consultation from Pintrest on what to wear with “Dark Jeans” and just do nothing with my hair.  I figure its Friday, I want to under achieve and it’s a short work day, so no need to go all out, so I took advantage of the opportunity to sleep in an extra 10 min and have a wild child hair day.

                The ride started out as normal as it does.  A few familiar faces getting on at the same stops, so naturally I would wish them a good morning in my head.  I have a few ballerinas that live in my neighborhood so I am always excited to see them get on the bus and visualize the all girly idea of what it would be like to be a ballerina, and there is always one particular stop that like 4 of them get on at.  As we pulled up to the stop, I had noticed the girls, but a newbie in  scrubs, which made total sense because it was near a hospital, but even as the bus approached and prior to it stopped I got a glips of him from afar and I was stunned.  He was by far the most gorgeous man I had ever seen, no joke.  He had dark hair and pericing blue eyes, that were even brighter conserving hew as wearing baby blue scribs.  I have only been hot and bothered 2 times in my life by a man.  The first was a gorgeous bartender that I met while traveling in NYC, and now this guy.  He got on the bus and sat 4 rows ahead of me, so all I could see was the back of his head.  Even the back of his head was beautiful.  And for the next 25 min I began to visualize our future together.  He adored me, as I did him.  He always put me first and swept me off of my feet.  He was fair and mature and was never greedy.  The way he proposed was right out of a movie.   Our wedding day was on a nice fall day.  The weather was not too hot and not to cold, it was a perfect day.  My girls were wearing red, and my dress had matching swavarski crystals to match the 5 carat ring that he put on my finger.  It was a parade of beautiful people, and we were surrounded by friends and family in an intimate ceremony in the rose garden.   Then I dreamt of our children and what they would look like.  They would have his eyes, my nose and they would be exceptionally gifted in sports and academics.  Ariel (our daughter) and our son (JR) were raised in home full of love and nurturing.  Then I fast forwarded to our Notebook ending where we were just so much in love that we died in each other’s arms at the ripe old age of 90.

                So finally after I pulled my head out of my ass and realized that my stop was coming up soon, I wanted to position myself in front of him so that I could get a better look at Mr. McDreamy’s face.  So I got up and I stood at the front of the bus, appearing as If I was getting off at the next stop.  I don’t know what came over me, considering it was 7:30 am and I had no Vodka in me, but I decided to tell him how gorgeous he was...which ended up being an awkward disaster.  He must had been working the night shift because he had his head down as if he was trying to sleep.  I started to wave at him to get his attention and tried to do it discreetly because I didn't want the entire bus to watch me profess my love to a total stranger, but he wasn't looking at me.  So I had to get closer to this beautiful creature, and it was similar to approaching a rouge tiger in the wild, you don’t know if it’s going to lick you or maul you.  So I finally get him to look up and holy mother of god his eyes, are a blue as the sea and they pierce right though me and it happen…I start to get awkward and can’t talk.  I say, “You are gorgeous” and he smiled, which his smile was perfect, literally perfect teeth, and he says, “I think you may need to get your eyes checked because I’m really not.”  I replied, “Hey normally I get tongue tied and I can’t talk to such gorgeous men and then things start coming out of my mouth I can’t control…”  and I kept going…total diarrhea spewing out of my mouth…I blacked out at the embarrassment of my inability to be able to talk to him like a normal human being but remember picking back up at, “So thank you for making my morning brighter.”  I should of ended all of it with Giggity because that’s how I felt.   In my black out I hadn't realized that there were 4 people observing this horrible attempt to talk to an attractive guy, and a woman who witnessed the whole thing said to him, “Awe that was cute.”  I didn't stick around, I literally ran off the bus as fast as I possibly could and didn't turn back.  I haven’t seen him since.  Chances are I probably scared him off of riding that bus, so I had to change my notebook ending to divorcing him in my mind.  It was very painful, and something I struggled with getting over.  We had to share custody of Ariel and Jr and all of the assets got split in half.  It was a very amicable divorce, and we remained civil towards each other for the kids sake. 

Lesson #3.  Don’t Drink and Ride the Bus

                It was 3:30 in the afternoon and I was on my way home after getting out of work early.  It was a beautiful sunny day, and I was lucky enough to grab the bus as I was getting to the stop so I didn't even have to wait.  It was like the Cosmo’s were saying, “Shelby we are going to get you home super early today.”    The bus was actually very low as far as occupancy went, maybe 20 people if that were on this bus, it was nice because I had pretty much the choice of any seat that I wanted, so I chose to sit about 4 rows from the front door and 1 row from the mid door considering the very back vibrating seats were fucking taken.  With my earbuds on, I drifted away in to the sounds of my Ipod, as I always do and un winded organizing my thoughts and running through my list of things I needed to do when I got home.    I remember my mom telling me she didn't think I  was a good idea to wear my head phones because I always need to be “aware of my surroundings” and I did what any daughter would do, laugh at her and ignore her warning. 

                We were mid route when I noticed the people in front of me looking behind me in disbelief as if something was going on.  Trying to process what exactly was happening, I turned around to see a drunk man punching the shit out of another man sitting next to him.   Guy “A” was literally beating the shit out of Guy “B”, and “B” was so drunk that he wasn't even fighting back.  They had been sitting together the whole time, and were even talking to one another when I first got on the bus, when I started to remember, and now “A” is taking his elbow to “B”s head.  I was close enough to all of this that if I would o f had a cardboard sign I could have been a ring girl.   As “A” is elbowing “B” in the head, he slurs, “I told him not to fuck with me” to which an off duty security guard steps in to observe what is taking place.  “B” is now out cold, slouched down in the seat, unconscious.    Sheer panic sets in and my adrenaline starts pumping.  I’m literally dumfounded and really hoping that this is a new version of an Impractical Jokers spin off, because this fight literally was contained in the seats they were sitting in.  There was no craziness across the bus, or innocent bystanders being pushed.  It happened in a 1ft by 1 ft space.  Just as quickly as the fight started, “A” stops, as if a switch had been shut off in his brain and he is just standing there looking around at everyone.  I had my sun glasses on, but I made eye contact with him once and I almost pissed my pants fearing that he was going to come at me next, and I have never hit anyone in my life, so I was questioning myself, “Have I really watched enough episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to be able to apply it to a real world situation?” 

                Fortunately and Ironically, the cosmos responded by the busses not running according to schedule and a bus that goes on my same route was directly behind the bus I was on, and made the executive decision to get on the second bus.  Only 4 of the 20 people got off this bus.  Myself, 2 others got on the second bus, and the 4^th lady said – direct quote, “Screw this I’m walking, I don’t have time for these drunk n****a’s bullshit”.  Myself and the 2 others that got on the second bus had a pow wow and relived what had just happened, when without any warning, guy “A” tried to get on the bus that the 3 of us intentionally got on to get away from him.  So now guy “A” has followed us on to the second bus, and the bus driver is telling a guy that just beat the shit of out the guy sitting next to him that he can’t get on this particular bus.  I again begin to have another panic attack and try to rethink that scene from that one Sandra Bullock Movie where she talks about “T.I.P.S”  and as if a miracle happens, the guy turns around and leaves and begins to walk away.  So me and my 2 new friends begin to recap what just happnened and try to figure out 1. Why the remaining 15 ppl chose to stay on the bus while the paramedics were being called.  2. Did guy “A” really just walk away? Considering I would imagine fighting on a bus is a crime? 3.  Are we on a hidden camera show?  4.  That was by far the most isolated fight I have ever seen.  5.  What did “B” say that caused “A” to go bat shit crazy on them.    As my stop approached, and I bid my new friends goodbye, I left them with one last revelation, It was 3:30 in the afternoon and I had just witnessed my first city bus drunk fight.  They congratulated me, we high fived each other, I thanked the bus driver for rescuing me and laughed the entire way home.

Keeping It real

-Shelby

Speed Dating - The Chuck Hull Perspective

So here it is, April 12th, and I'm about to venture into something that I never

thought I'd do.  I'm about to enter the world of Speed Dating.  I'm not sure who came up with this concept, or even how it started, but it's definitely something I never thought I'd do.  Thanks to Shelby, I now am doing this. And thanks again to Shelby, I'm not doing it alone.  But, let's make sure I set the record straight. She didn't talk me into it. She didn't have to persuade me. She said "wanna do speed dating with me?"  I pretty much said, "why not?"

   

                First a quick little note about me.  My name is Chuck, and I'm a 39 year old single guy living in Pittsburgh.  I'd like to picture myself as one of the nice guys out there, but I'm sure I have my moments just like everyone else. After all, I'm only human.  I'm not sure why I'm single, but that's probably one of the dumbest questions I think I've ever heard anyone ask anyone.  "You're such a nice guy, why are you single?"   Oh gee, I don't know, probably because your uptight ass won't let me get past first base, or even a hello?  (See, I'd like to think I'm a nice guy, but I have the same bitterness that lives inside us all.  haha)

    

               How did I meet Shelby you may ask? Well, you probably won't, but I'll tell you anyway.  Outside of my normal job, I DJ on the side. I was working at the Boardwalk (remember that shit hole?) when I met Shelby. She was a rep for Iron City at the time, and of course since I thought she was pretty damn attractive, I was gonna chat her up and see what I could get out of her. (not that way so stop it.)   It was summer, hot, and I was thirsty, and she provided me with plenty of free IC Lites. That's how I roll. But seriously, I chatted her up with my coworkers, and we just kinda became friends. I don't hang out with her as much as many of you  (to which in her drunken state on Thursday she reminded me at least a dozen times that we should

hang out more. I'd agree,) but it was time to hang out with her for an adventure in Speed Dating.

             Speed dating.  How was it? Would I do it again? Was it worth the $25.00 sign up
fee?  I'll get to that later.  I head over to Shelby's right after work to pick her up, and we're both a bit nervous.  Like any normal guy, I like to make sure I look nice when I'm in a group setting you know, just in case I may meet someone.  And, like any single guy should....VALUE THE OPINION OF YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS!  I took three extra shirts with me to Shelby's and pretty much told her to dress me.  She did.  Yeah, I've got that backwards for sure.  We were not sure what to expect so we're making jokes about the kinds of people we may meet. Will there be really old people? Will there be creepers, nut jobs, baldies, extra large, etc.  Not don't get
me wrong, good people come in all shapes and sizes, but we're both a little freaked out about what we're getting into.  I know Shelby wanted to do this for her blog, but I'm sure she didn't mind meeting someone as well.  Me? Well, I'm 39 and single, and I'm doing it to back up Shelby, but at the same time I'm thinking it would be nice to meet someone. I've never been married and I'm fucking 39.  This for me, is a huge step. I've been on dates before, but it's been a long long time.  Oh crap, the drive is over and we're here.

                We walk into Bossa Nova, and we're not sure where this shit is going down.

We're a bit relieve to see quite a few people there.  It's about 6:30pm, and there
are probably about 30-40 people here.  Not too bad at all.  It was a nice mix of people, so we're both thinking positive things.  We ask the hostess where the speed dating registration is and she points to our right, and there is no one there but the people holding the event.  Yeah, those people?  They're not here for the speed dating.  Shelby and I get our name tags, and they brief us the night and we decide we now need a drink.  I don't see any women yet.  It's pretty much Shelby and myself, oh and a guy named  Guy 1.  I'm not going to use names.   He was pretty open and started talking to use and we were finally joined by another woman.  I think

this was when Shelby and I kinda ignored the other guy to talk to the woman, and well I had my reason for doing so, and I'm sure Shelby's was because she found this conversation more interesting.  Shelby found a new best friend and we're not drink two into the night, and we haven't even started our "dating" yet.  SIDEBAR - There was a group of cougars at the bar that asked what our name tags were for, and we said Speed Dating.  Then good old Shelby proceeds to tell the Cougars that "this is my best friend Chuck. He's single, and he's really awesome, and you all should talk to him."  Ain't she the best!  They did say they were all married, and she asked "happily?"  Gotta love her!

  

                 We see more people walking in finally for the speed dating, and we do a quick

shot, and head up to where we needed to be.  There are finally more woman, and seemingly more men.  We find out they had 14 men and 12 woman registered.  Two women did not show up.  So it's 14 to 10, and Shelby likes her odds.  At least I think she does.  They go over there rules and it's pretty much this: You get six minutes on your date, and you can talk about anything you want.  After the time is up, they'll ring a bell, and the men proceed to the next number.  The tables are marked 1-14, and you move up each time.  I'm to start at number 11.  Great. I'm starting out alone....again....which is pretty much why I'm here right?  After all the rules are explained, the host asks if we have any questions.  Well, I'm kinda goofy, and a
whole lot of nervous, and maybe a bit tipsy and I blurt out "Yeah, where's my date?"
 In a goofy dorky kinda of way.  That was met with a good old fashioned patented Shelby eye  roll, which was then met in turn with a stern finger pointing from me while lip sinking "don't roll your eye I'm scared shit less."

                It starts and my self and the other three dateless guys talk to the host in just normal small talking fashion.  She rings the bell and I get up and move to the next table. I sit alone for six minutes staring off into space. Ring Ring, table 13...take a call from my parents...ring ring table 14 and I'm still sitting looking at the ceiling.  I shoulda danced on it.  Anyhow, when I look back at this, I moved three times from one empty table to the next.  I don't even know why I moved because there was no one at any of the tables. You'd think I'd be smart enough to just stay where I was and talk to everyone else until I had my change to get to table 1. Nope, I moved to three empty tables and pretty much felt stupid.  But ring ring....time to talk to girl number 1.

                I'm pretty loosened up at this point and just start talking with a simple how

are you blah blah.  I opened up with the fact that she was the first girl I got to talk to so far, but after spending almost four dates with myself, I found me to be pretty awesome, and she had some tough competition. She actually laughed at that, but it's all about the delivery I guess.  She seemed very nice, and it turns out that my world got small talking with her.  She worked for a company that my company deals with on a regular basis.  We were both very familiar with each others jobs.   Yep, world got small. 

               Girl 2 was her friend and co-worker, and this one was just as nice.  This one I was immediately attracted too.  Great smile, gorgeous eyes, and just plain wowed me.  All of a sudden, bell rings.  I wasn't ready to leave.  Six minutes goes by fast. Real fast.  We took a quick break for snacks, but then back to business.

               Girl 3 was just a year younger than me, and I found her very attractive as

well.  Shelby adored her and was really pulling for us to be a match.  I could kinda tell though that I was probably not her type, but still, I gave it my all in six minutes and enjoyed chatting with her.

                Girl 4 was where things started to slide.   Right off the bat she states that she has questions for me.  I pretty much ended up being grilled.  She was basically interviewing me.  And not like in a nice way either.  Just the tone of her voice was all serious and business.  She then goes "OK I'm done with my questions I guess we can talk now."  Um...huh?  Ok, Chuck charm time. I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and still be me and chat her up.  "So, how are you tonight, are you having a good time, or what made you do something like this.'    She replied with "well, after four lousy years with my ex....."   Screeeech.  Yeah, only a minute into our six, and she's talking about an ex with such hatred.  This conversation is clearly over.  She brought the ex up a total of 3 times in six minutes.  Yeah.  NEXT!

               Girl 5 and 6 were also friends and very young.  24?  I thought the minimum age was

supposed to be 27?  Oh, and girl 5? She wasn't even from here. She was from out of town visiting (well that's what girl 6 told me.)  She was very nice, but she also kinda wasted the time of 14 men by being here.  Thanks for that.  Girl 7 didn't seem too interested in chatting, but the first words out of her mouth was "I need a Jager Bomb."  I hope she realized she was perfect, because any girl that likes Jager is a keeper. 

               Girl 8 was a single mom, and extremely cute as well. I give her all the credit in the world because she seemed very nervous and a little shy, but for a single mom to give speed dating a shot takes guts, and that to me is just awesome.

               Girl 9 was our girl Shelby!  We took the opportunity to go to the bathroom since we

knew each other, and Shelby pretty much walked into the men's room with me because she wasn't paying attention blabbing away about the guys she was meeting.  The bathroom attendants just stared at her like um.... I couldn't stop laughing.  Shelby admitted that she might be drunk, and I told her I figured.  When we got back to the tables, we found out they paused all the dates while we walked away.  Oops.  We told them we knew each other and just decided to go to use the restroom. Then Shelby burped. Loudly.  I could not contain my laughter.  She is the best speed dater ever. Hands down.  I do this again, I'm not doing it without her.  

The last girl looked like she was about as interested in me as she was the other 13 guys.

That was it.  The dates were over. Now what?  Well, at the start, we were given
a sheet of paper.  We were to write down each dates name, comments and circle either "let's date" or "sorry not interested."  I circled four let's dates and pretty much ney to everyone else.  I got my results early the next morning.   Three of the let's dates, said the same for me, so they considered us a match.  They also provided information for girls that said yes to you, but I said no too "just in case you were really undecided and want to give them a second chance."   I pretty much know who said no to me.  Their loss because like I said, I spent the first 24 minutes with myself and I'm just plain fucking awesome.

               OK we're done, and now what?  It's only 9 o'clock on a Thursday night and we don't want this to be a waste of a night. Shelby is pretty drunk, but not too drunk, and she's ready to party.  I can't lie, I was ready to go out too.  I was wide awake (thanks to 5 hour energy.)  We did get a chance to talk more to some of our dates, and we did try to get everyone else to come with us. Well, actually that's a lie. Drunk Shelby did.  I knew not what I was in for. I only read about it, but now I get to witness it first hand.  Truly the best speed date partner ever. 

               We went to Jekyl and Hyde for some karaoke action.  Android and iPhones are all fine and dandy, but the video cameras lack light in a darkened bar.  I may have recorded Shelby's

drunken rendition of "I will Survive" but we'll never see it because the video is so dark.  Mind you, even drunk, she kicks ass on vocals.  We also will not be able to see our local hero Big Tom busting out get low, and good old Shelby putting out the bump and grind on our long haired

friend again due to lack of lighting.  Four of the guys from the speed date did show up, and were all very eager to talk with our Shelby.  She made four new friends that night.   Go Shelby!

What did I learn from the night?

               I love Shelby and love being her wing man. She however sucks as a wing woman. At least that's what she told me about four times.It's actually not as hard for me to talk to woman as I thought it was.  And as it turns out, some if them even like talking with me. Bonus.Six minutes is not a long time. It, in fact, is practically six seconds.Shelby's mom somehow knows I rock, and we are now Facebook Friends. Awesome.Planking on the floor of Jekyl and Hyde is NOT recommended. There you have it, well from what I can remember.  Thursday was a fun adventure, and I would probably do it again. I know what I may have written may not have been as entertaining and crazy as what is normally in this blog, but Shelby wanted to try something different.  In this case you got me, Chuck (aka DJ Qwik at Jekyl and Hyde every other Friday night hint hint) and what is was like for me in the world of dating.  I came out of this with restored confidence believe it or not, and I hold out hope that there is someone out for me, and it's not too late just because I'm 39.  Oh, I also learned that I need to not buy as many Cherry Vodka cokes for Shelby as I did.  She likes to plank when you give her that many. 

Keepin it real from a guys perspective.....Chuck