While doing my research to compare Pittsburgh's POF market to other cities, I wanted to experiment in a city that people tend to forget about. For some reason, middle of nowhere Boise, Idaho popped in to my head. With my overalls washed, and my tractor gassed up, I loaded up the double wide and fictitiously moved to Boise.
Along with the socially awkward (which POF is where they seem to all swim to), old men with wrinkly balls, and just the plain weird, I gotta tell you, Boise, you did shock me...
30/M/Boise
You sound like myt type of girl I like the list u have,there a lot of wierd people on
this site I here,:)am lokkn for the same thing n want to find a nice girl to start a
family n be happy at the sametime,if you want to talk more message ,me:)have a good day
Dear Reading In To Things:
Where on earth did you get from my profile that I'm ready to start a family? I mention nothing about wanting offspring in the near future. You remind me of some crazy chick that pretends to take birth control, when in reality she replaced them with M&M's. You type like a child, so I can see where the want for children in your life could be. You probably don't relate to women your age, because the only girls that understand you are 4th graders. Your dipshit remark about wanting to start a family and be happy "at the same time," seriously may be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I mean come on, who wants to be happy with both their wife and children? Maybe just about anyone who believes in marriage anymore, dumbass. I envision a life with you would consist of me becoming a miserable alcoholic housewife who seduces the UPS man. I think my opening line will be "So what other packages do you have for me today," as I stare at him with my drunken sexy look and twitching right eyeball. There clearly are a lot of "wierd" people on this site, unfortunately your statement is like the pot calling the kettle black.
33/M/Boise
so I was going to write u and tell. u that u are absolutely gorgeous but then I thought better of it. I figured that u get a thousand emails like that, a day. it would be like writing the mythical characters of the world(Bigfoot,Easterbunny,Santa Claus,the toothfairy and the most elusive of them all, the honest man) and telling them the don't exist. or writing dog poo and telling it that it stinks. basically stating the obvious. omg did I just use dog poo in the same statement where I am telling u that u are beautiful? ok just bear with me. so since girls like guys with skills, I thought I would show off my sick bilingual skills and tell u in a foreign language.so here it goes.... Hi-o, you-o are-o absolutely-o gorgeous-o!!! now I know that my mad bilingual skills might be a bit intimidating but I hope u wont be too intimidated to write me back.
Dear Epic Fail:
You should of just stuck to "you are absolutely gorgeous" and stopped. Proceeding to ramble on and on about stupid things, will not get a date with me. The fact that you refer to the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy, it leads me to believe that your childhood wasn't a pleasant one. Bigfoot and Honest Men are not mythical ok? There is scientific proof that they are out there, they are just not clearly found on internet dating websites. Let me bring you up to speed on adult talk. It is not called poo it is called shit, crap, anal leakage or feces. Those 4 terms are the only ones I find acceptable in an adult conversation. Where I appreciate a corny line here and there, you single handedly managed to husk the entire field clean. I am not intimated at all, in fact I can also speak your language: if-o I-o throw-o a-o stick-o, will-o you-o leave-o me-o alone-o.
46/M/Cadawell
Email #1
Wow.... very very classy...
Love every outfit....
Especially love the boots on you..
Do you date older guys? I would love to take you out on a date.
-Greg
Email #2
Sweetie... I would seriously love to take you out on a date wearing those boots and show you off...
Dear Gay Greg -
There are many things wrong with you, so I will only highlight a couple to keep this short. The fact that you comment on my clothes and boots leads me to believe that you may possibly be gay. A heterosexual male would of said, "Wow you are hot" or "You look sexy in those boots." You basically worded it in a way which leads me to believe if I spent the night, I would wake up to you wearing my boots checking yourself out in the mirror. You probably want to show me off to your parents with the hopes of convincing them that you are in fact not a raging homosexual. I am not a homophobe by far, some of my good friends are gay, however not any of them would put me in a situation that would end up like a bad Logo Channel movie. I am known to make horrible decisions when I'm drunk, however I don't even think chugging an entire bottle of Vodka at dinner would shut my gaydar down and make me attracted to you. I think you donated sperm at a Baltimore Sperm Bank. Congrats, you have a son! Now you can "show him off" to your parents instead of me.
39/M/Boise
I too seek someone to accompany on adventures. I'm a gentleman for the most part... however, I have a bit of bad boy in me also. I have intellect & wit to go along with charm & class... then sometimes I feel the need to embrace my rebellious side... and I bet you have that desire as well.
Is this a mixture that you could get to know better? Ryan
Dear Bad Boy
Apparently you missed the memo that "bad boys" where cool when I was 18 and rebelling against my parents. You cannot be both a gentleman and a bad boy, there is no such thing. That's like saying you are a Christian rapper. Your profile is completely normal, and you even have "gentle" in your screen name. You are not fooling anyone here. Where I'm sure gang initiation in Boise consists of jerking off a horse, that is not exciting to me, the Jackass guys already did it. An evening of cow tipping and driving around without a seatbelt is not being "bad," it's being lame. This is not a mixture I could get to know better, considering you already sound about as boring as coloring with a white crayon. When you get to my level, and have done things that can make a blind man blush, then we'll talk.
38/M/Boise
Email #1
Hello. I want to suck on your clam while your thighs are wrapped around my face as you engulf my sausage
Email #2
slurp, slurp, slurp,mmmmmmm I am exploding all in your mouth!!
Dear Clam Whisper:
You seem to have your food groups all mixed up. Clams are not a good food to partner with sausages. Jesus Christ you are a loser. Just thinking about you sucking on my "clam" has given me an instant and permanent camel toe. You seriously made my vagina "clam up", and it is now going to be out of commission to even myself for a while. I honestly don't think a fresh pack of Duracell can fix the damage that you have done. If I wanted to have a sexual experience with a sea creature, I would rather get gang banged by Spongebob and Patrick. Sponge Bob has square pants, at least I know he's packing something down there. I had to think for a minute that it was 69-ing that you were referring to. Your dad's sperm must be an excellent swimmer. I think you have an illigamiate brother in Pittsburgh. He likes to call lady parts a "mooch." You guys should write a book based on sexual experiences, even if it would only be 2 pages long and would involve slurping noises and sighs of disappointment. You can title it "The chronicles of Clam and Mooch" I would buy it with the sole intention of wiping my ass with it later.
Special note: Where I had hoped this would become a 4 part seires, unfortuantly Los Angeles was the most normal city yet to date. I have been on for almost a month, and have not recieved 1 single perverted or abnormal message. I will have to regroup for next week :/
Keeping it Real
- Shelby
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.